User:Jesusfreak/2004 Bloodbath Euro

2004 UEFA Euro Championashipsa for da Bloodabata
Teams	20
Host	Italy
Venues	10
Champions	Turkey
Second Place	Ssh! It's still a secret
Third Place	Ssh! It's still a secret
Fourth Place	Ssh! It's still a secret
Matches Played	38
Kills Scored	A lot
Attendance	31,791,429
Total Deaths	31,791,430

The 2004 UEFA Euro Bloodbath Championships for (officially titled 2004 UEFA European Championashipsa for da Bloodabata Italy, also oficially titled UEFA European Championships 2008 Repubblica Italiana, sometimes referred to as the UEFA Euro Championships or simply just the Euro Championship or even more simply as The Euro) finals took place in Italy. Qualification for the tournament was completed in November-December 2003, with all 22 18 16 17 20 competing teams confirmed.

The tournament was a veritable gore-fest of battering, flattening and splattering, with 20 of Europe's elite Bloodbath nations coming together to participate in yet another Bloodbath Euro Championships.

Italia 2004

Venues

City	Stadium	Host club(s)	Capacity
Rome	Roman Colosseum	Roma Romans Rome FC	169,436
Naples	Spaghetti Appreciation Field	Naples Spaghetti Eaters	98,98?
Venice	Fielda of Venice	Your Face	64,129
Florence	Leonardo da Vinci Memorial Stadium	Florence Artists	164
Milan	I Heart U Field	Milan ABC	86,786
Palermo	Palermo Park	Palermo Pizza Guys Sicily Sicilians	93,469
Bologna	Oscar Meyer Stadium	B-O-L-O-G-N-A	46,219
Malta	The Italian Guy That Went to Malta Tribute Stadium	Malta Italian-Wannabes	168,999
Turin	That One Stadium Where They Held The Olympics in 2006	Torino Panic	54,521
Vienna	Weinerschnitzel Field	Vienna Bratwurst Vienna ADHD (arch-rivals with the Torino Panic) Austrialian National Team	429,691

Qualifiers

Italy [1] (rank 28) France [2] (rank 9) Russia [3] (rank 2) Spain [4] (rank 4) England [5] (rank 6) Germany [6] (rank 5) Poland [7] (rank 7) Portugal [8] (rank 10) The Netherlands [9] (rank 14) Denmark [10] (rank 21)

Turkey [11] (rank 13) Romania [12] (rank 29) Canada [13] (rank 26) Switzerland [14] (rank 8) Belarus [15] (rank 83) Austria [16] (rank 33) Finland [17] (rank 86) Ukraine [18] (rank 12) Ghettoistan [19] (rank 189) Georgia [20] (rank 146)

Pot A	Pot B	Pot C	Pot D	Pot E
Italy Germany Turkey Austria	France Poland Romania Finland	Russia Portugal Canada Ukraine	Spain The Netherlands Switzerland Ghettoistan	England Denmark Belarus Georgia

Enough of This, Let's Get to the Action

Pot A

Team	Pts	W	D	L	KF	KA	KD
Turkey	6	2	0	1	30	26	+4
Austria	5	1	2	0	50	43	+7
Germany	4	1	1	1	25	30	-5
Italy	1	0	1	2	42	49	-7

Monday 1 March 2004
	Germany	9-4	Italy	Rome
	Rammstein (6), Crazy Frog, David Hasselhoff, Paul Bäumer	6:19	Mussolini (2), Mario, Giant Pizza Monster

In the match that kicked off The Party, Deutschland defeated Italia 9-4. It was a close one all up until Italy's best player, Mario, choked...no, literally, he choked on a meatball. He had to be escorted off the field. Doctors have taken CAT scans and MRI's, but the reports have not yet been revealed to the public, but they have revealed that he's probably gonna be day-to-day. With Mario out of the way, Deutschland unleashed Rammstein who gathered 6 kills in 5 minutes to win it for the Germans.

Tuesday 2 March 2004
	Turkey	4-11	Austria	Naples
	Darth Maul (2), Atatürk, Some Random Turk	2:39	Arnold Schwarzenegger (10), Dave Chapelle

In the first match of the party for these two teams, Arnold Schwarzenegger just absolutely could not be stopped even by a nuclear bomb. Just 0:41 into the match, a Turkish fan stole one of Arnie's bratwursts...You know when that Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into The Hulk? Well guess what Arnold Schwarzenegger turns into when he gets mad?...ya.

Thursday 4 March 2004
	Turkey	12-10	Italy	Rome
	Darth Maul (6), Atatürk (6)	9:31	Luigi (3), Giuseppe Garibaldi (3), Pizza (2), Flying Spaghetti Monster, The Pope

In one of the more exciting matches of the first round, Turkey just barely edged out Italy 12-10 thanks to a late match rally. Italy (playing without superstar Mario) gained the lead quickly and held it for the majority of the match before The Pope choked on some fetticini alfredo. This was another horrific and crushing blow to the Italians as we await the MRI's on him.

Friday 5 March 2004
	Deutschland	11-11	Österreich	Naples
	Red Baron (3), Franz der Häßlich (3), Crazy Frog, David Hasselhoff, Volkswagon, BMW, Mercedes-Benz	18:19	Mozart (5), Arnold Schwarzenegger (3), Wienerschnitzel, Falco, Sigmund Freud

In this fierce battle between arch-rivals, Austria and Germany tied 11-11. Schwarzenegger was cooled down after eating Turks for breakfast, and wasn't quite as effective in this battle against the 5th ranked team in the world. Rammstein called in sick for this one, and Crazy Frog was asleep for 18:17, waking up just long enough to get 1 kill.

Sunday 7 March 2004
	Austria	28-28	Italy	Rome
	Arnold Schwarzenegger (20), Falco (2), Mozart (2), Bratwurst, Sigmund Freud, Dave Chapelle, Dave Chapelle	48:00	Chuck Norris (14), Luigi (5), Mario (4), Giant Pizza Monster (2), Flying Spaghetti Monster, Julius Caesar, <insert name here>

This was the longest and bloodiest battle in the history of The Party since the week long match between France and England in 1642 (which ended in a 102-93 win for England). It was an epic Clash of the Titans: Arnold Schwarzenegger vs Chuck Norris that completely destroyed Rome itself. Early on, some random Italian guy named Benito Mussolini, or something like that, stole Arnie's plate of Chicken Parmesian...ya, guess what the result was? Just when all hope seemed lost for Italy, Chuck Norris appeared out of nowhere to save the day. The match wasn't anywhere near over, but the referees ended it because of the fact that they'd reached the time limit. Shucks! Oh ya, almost forgot, Mario was cleared to play at about 42:16, "going out in a blaze of glory" yada yada yada ya, nobody cares.

Monday 8 March 2004
	Turkey	15-5	Germany	Naples
	Atatürk (6), Darth Maul (4), Your Face (4)	3:33	Own Death Rammstein, Crazy Frog, Red Baron, Franz der Häßlich, Volkswagon

In the last match of Group A, Turkey upset Germany 15-5. It was a huge upset, because not only did they beat the 5th best bloodbath team in the entire world, but they also eliminated them in the process and even clinched a spot in the Quarterfinal. The only explanation for this is that they were coming of off a brutal match against Austria in which they barely managed to hold on to tie, (while taking 11 casualties), and they just plain choked (sometimes literally). Your Face was so ugly that it killed 4 Germans on sight!

Pot B

Team	Pts	W	D	L	KF	KA	KD
Poland	9	3	0	0	15	8	+7
Finland	3	1	0	2	15	15	±0
Romania	3	1	0	2	10	16	-6
France	3	3	0	2	2	18	-16

Tuesday 2 March 2004
	France	2-7	Poland	Venice
	Napoleon, Moi	5:13	Samuel L. Jackson (3), Shaquille O'Neal, Kazcor, Father Director Teddy Rydzyk, Your momma

In what was initially the most anticipated match of Pot B, Poland crushed defending champion France 7-2, but I'm just telling you something that you know. It was a very...interesting night that night in Paris; rioting ensued because of the defeat, and another riot ensued because of the fact that I told you something you alreay knew.

Wednesday 3 March 2004
	Romania	4-10	Finland	Florence
	Ozone, Dracula, Frankenstein	13:13	Own Death Dave Chapelle (3), Dave Chapelle (3), Dave Chapelle (2), Dave Chapelle, Dave Chapelle

The 29th ranked team in the world was annihalated by the 86th ranked team in the world 10-4. Rioting ensued in Bucharest as well as Paris. Yes this summary is short and boring, but shut up, I'm lazy, but at least I admit it!

Thursday 4 March 2004
	France	-1-6	Romania	Florence
	Own Death Penalty (2), Joan of Arc	5:13	Dracula, Frankenstein, Van Helsing, Igor, Numa Numa

Just 1 day after Romania's disasterous affair against Finland, they had to fight the 9th best team in the world and the defending Party champions. Unfortunately for the French, so did they! This was about the slopiest and brutalest match for the French since they lost against Germany -32-76 in 1939.

Friday 5 March 2004
	Finland	2-3	Poland	Venice
	Own Death Joe Walsh (2)	11:59	Shaquille O'Neal, Kazcor

This was a brutally long and slow match between Finland and Poland, obviously, that ended with a 3-2 win for the Polish Sausage. Rioting ensued in Paris as a result of this fact. Oh guess what? I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by---we apologize for this, but the author of this summary has been fired and sacked, rioting in Paris ensued.

Monday 8 March 2004
	Romania	2-6	Poland	Florence
	Dracula (2)	7:21	Mace Windu (4), Your momma, Jihad

In the final match for these two squads, Poland defeated Romania 6-2. (Sorry, we still haven't found anybody to replace the old guy that used to do the summaries, so I have to do it and there, I done it. We'll get back to you a.s.a.p.)

Tuesday 9 March 2004
	France	8-3	Finland	Venice
		9:59	Own Death (8) Penalty (5), Dave Chapelle (2), Dave Chapelle (2), Dave Chapelle (2), Dave Chapelle, Dave Chapelle

We found a new guy to do the summaries, it's Dave Chapelle. So anyways, this was one of the strangest matches in the history of The Party as for just the third time since 1794, a team won it without scoring a single kill. Nobody's quite sure what happened to the Fins, but they had 8 Own Death's and 5 Penalties. They were actually up 8-0 going into 8:00, but ended up losing 8-3 without France so much as touching a Finnish player. Who knew?