User:Insineratehymn/aleistercrowley

FNORD! This article is too close to the TRUTH! Citizens should begin to feel uneasy or bemused now. Fnord.

“That guy really liked to wear pyramids on his head.”

~ Captain Obvious on Aleister Crowley

Aleister Crowley, seen here wearing his signature "pyramid hat" which was made of playdough and crayons, which gave him the power to see into the future, but only when the stars were perfectly aligned with his head.

Aleister Crowley (aka, "Mr. Crowley" as he was called in that one Ozzy Osbourne song) was a British egyptophiliac supposedly possessed by Satan and proclaimed by many tabloid magazines as the wickedest man in the world (although some researchers believe that he was simply drunk and acted in a devilish manner). He was an esteemed writer and occultist, but also liked chess, mountain climbing, poetry, astrology, and playing Diablo II on his computer all day. He himself claimed to be a freemason, but some of his critics simply said that he just liked wearing a pyramid on his head. On occasion, he would go on drug binges and get himself some prostitutes at the local book stand or cigar shop, but would also bring a man to his house for some "fun", the man being none other than Oscar Wilde, thus making Crowley a bisexual. Crowley was a founding member and a very important figure in many occultist groups, the most famous being the Silver Evening.

Early Years

Aleister Crowley was born at 2 minutes from midnight in England on 12 October, 1875. His father owned a brewery company, and during his infant years, little Aleister would be given a beer bottle to suckle on every day. This explains why he became a hardcore alcoholic by the age of 6.

He would go off to college at Cambridge University, where he would pick up English literature as a major, but would later go down the path of occultism and mysticism, the knowledge of these subjects he gained from coin-operated fortune tellers at the local carnivals.