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Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy
- By UU
'Tis the season to abstain with extreme prejudice! Yes, every anal-retentive voting obsessive's favourite time of the year has arrived: January marks the point of the year when the awards for the best things of the previous year are voted on! If that's not an oxymoron on a site that is acknowledged to be the worst, of course. This poll-packed month sees WotY, UotY and PotY join (deep breath) WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP as forums for people to air their opinions, prejudices, minor rivalries and petty jealousies. And as if this wasn't enough voting-related thrills 'n' spills, when the Top 10 articles of December 2009 have been decided, there'll be the Top 10 articles of 2009 proper to vote for!
UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers.
From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free
- By The Cabal
As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us.
And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article.
Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles.
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From our logs:
- 09:22, 12 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.40.243.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ("raccist"? what's that, prejudiced against raccoons?)
- 03:33, 12 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.101.196.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (lol i'm astral projecting an image of two gay guys having sex into your mind or something)
- 19:06, 6 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.64.230.79 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Nigger to you too, sir.)
- 19:05, 5 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked JeChr (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Jesus is dead. He's not coming back.)
- 23:05, 3 January 2010 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.217.57.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.)
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Biopic of the Week
Prowling the corridors of pee review with a light step but a heavy hand, ChiefjusticeDS is Uncyc's reigning king of the golden river. He's reviewed more articles than most Uncyclopedians have read. In their entire lives. And he keeps a benevolent eye on everyone else, making sure there's no stale pee in the pond. If you've had a good review in the last year or so, he probably had a hand in that somewhere. Doff your cap and move on.
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Old-School Featured Article of the Week
HowTo:Run away from home is a guide to every early teenager's ultimate weapon in the never-ending battle with the forces of evil as represented by their parents. Written by Alksub - who most of our readership won't remember - this is exactly what to do next time your parents don't let you stay out late to meet that nice-sounding kid you met over MSN who seemed very keen to hook up and get to know you better!
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Trend of the Year (so far)
Username changing. Username a little short? Lengthen it for no good reason! All the cool kids are doing it, apparently.
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