UnNews:Forty-two killed in ongoing QVFD genocide

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31 December 2007

Tipling-Bower, seen here at an off-campus Christmas party, was one of many victims of the Sysopian rampage.

UNCYCLOPEDIA, The Interweb -- Forty-two more were killed yesterday in the ongoing QVFD genocide as international pressure mounts to cease the senseless purging.

Among the victims of yesterday's assault were Anthony Tipling-Bower, a twenty-two year old college student from Franklin Pierce University in Rindge, New Hampshire. Described by friends as "teh best fukin pimp in fuckin fpu bitchs," he was laid to rest outside his native Pimpshitonia.

Also killed were Pizzaman Johnson, a snack purveyor from Pizzaland in northwestern Italy; Evan Hughes, an openly gay male from the Fagatoni district in San Francisco, California; and Erik Dyvad, a Scandinavian adult film star best known for his role in Chiks wit Diks 3.

Those believed to be responsible for the senseless violence include members of the Sysopia tribe, a nomadic clan of assassins that travel at remarkable speed over Uncyclopedia, "huffing," or slaughtering, countless victims.

Members of the tribe make no secret of their involvement. Stated one Sysopian Mordillo:

It is believed that in the last month alone, over a thousand victims have been killed by Sysopia.

Putin: "Seriously, we're the shit at these things; do it right or don't try"

International pressure against the genocide is mounting as world leaders press on the Uncyclopedian government to control Sysopia. Stated Russian President Vladimir Putin:

The Uncyclopedian Prime Minister, Richard Chronarion, was unavailable for comment, but his Deputy Prime Minister Daniel Codeine issued a press release.

Today, the restless Sysopians have already killed Zach Tracy, a man best known for his charity work with the homeless prostitutes of his hometown, and Butch Tincher, a legendary creature of West Virginia's swampland famous for defecating tobacco leaves and fathering the famous playwright William Shakespeare, in addition to their wanton destruction of Norwin High School and all 1,731 special education students. The killers show no signs of ceasing.