UnNews:A twist on 'naughty or nice'

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Monday December 11, 2017

"He sees you when you're sleeping" has gotten a whole new meaning.

NORTH POLE, [unknown sovereignty] In keeping with a recent parade of sexual harassment allegations against all and sundry, the next person that the world wants to own up is the man, the myth, the Jesus-replacement, Santa Claus himself.

The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD), notable for attempting to track Santa's movements throughout the world every year, has published these allegations on its official website, just over two weeks ahead of Christmas. It claims that last year, while Santa and his team had landed in an unknown empty field, they had spotted some 'unsavoury behaviour' involving him and some local women.

NORAD eventually managed to track down one of these women, a young teacher who refused to give her name but has stated that she is from rural northern Canada. 'He tried to grab me, and started touching me in, well, let's just say unusual parts of my body... and I swear, the reindeer were involved in it too!'

Since the allegations were published, a social media outcry has ensued. The hashtag #MeTooSanta has trended on Twitter, as a response not only to this but also to Time Magazine's naming of those involved in the recent viral campaign as the 2017 Person of the Year.

While the majority of world leaders have yet to have their say on the matter, it is clear that nobody is excited by the magical fat red-suited man joining a club of celebrities who have been shamed by their secret escapades.

There have even been calls for Santa to quit the position: who would replace him, nobody knows.


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