HowTo:Cook A Fetus
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“Something Smells Goooooddd........oh.. OH GOD!!!”
“I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!”
Ever walked passed the next door neighbors apartment a catch a wiff of the most delightful scent? Would you like to know their secret ingredient?... fetus. That's right fetus, fresh from the womb of a pregnant teenager. There's nothing more natural for humans to consume.
Finding a Good Fetus
Identifying a Fetus: For beginers, identifying a good fetus may be difficult but just follow these simple steps and you will be tasting yummy fetus in no time at all!
- To identify if a fetus is too old simply squeeze it, if it shows signs of consciousness throw it away.
- If the fetus is still a mushy pinkish jelly in some places it is too young and needs to be thrown away.
Preparing your Fetus
Before cooking a fetus must be properly prepared this means cutting and disposing of any unwanted parts. To cut, stick a knife behind the joint and wedge outward till the limb pops off. Some people like to remove the arms and legs, I generally remove the arms but leave most of the thighs.
Peeling: Some cooks prefer to peel the fetus and serve the skin as a cracker, to peel a fetus gently push a knife under the skin and pull away skin, do this gently so no innards are punctured.
Below you will find some yummy fetus recipes for you to enjoy:
Tasty Fetus Stew
Serves up to 2 people.
- One properly prepared fetus
- 2 cups flour
- salt and pepper to taste
- 2 teaspoons of curry powder
- 1 1/2 teaspoons of ground ginger
- 2 tablespoons butter or oil
- 3 tablespoons of Bill Cosby's semen
- 1 large onion (sliced)
- 2 tblspoons brown vinegar
- 4 tablspoons Worcestershire sauce
- 4 tablspoons tomato sauce
- 2 tablspoons brown sugar
- 1 cup stock
- 500g pumpkin
Trim Fetus. mix flour with salt, pepper, curry powder and ginger and coat fetus with[mixture. Heat half the butter or oil in a heavy pan and brown fetus on both sides.Remove to plate. Add remaining butter to pan with onion and cook gently until soft. Return fetus to pan. mix vinegar, sauces, sugar and stock and pour over fetus. cover, bring to a simmer, reduce heat to a low and simmer gently for 1 hour. skim any fat off the surface and add pumkin, which has been peeled and cut into large pieces. cover and cook for a further 30 minutes or until fetus and pumpkin are tender. Drizzle semen over the top and serve with celery.
Wonderful Fetus Rissoles
- 500g diced or minced Fetus
- 250g diced or minced bacon
- 1 cup[mashed potatoes
- 1 egg
- 2 teaspns Worcestershire sauce
- 1 tomato
mix all ingredients well together. shape into rissoles and place in a baking dish with a little oil or dripping. place a slice of tomato on each rissole and put extra potatoes, cut small, around the rissoles. bake near the bottom of a very hot oven for about 30 minutes or until potatoes are soft.
Crunchy Fetus with Camembert sauce
- 250g-300g Fresh Fetus
- 1 cup SR flour
- 1/4 teaspn Dry mustard
- salt to taste
- 2 teaspns
- 1 beaten egg
Desired Amount of Cranberry Sauce
wash fetus well in two or three lots of water. drain well. sift dry ingredients into a bowl, add fetus, lemon juice and beaten egg. mix well and add milk if needed. Drop spoonfuls into preheated oil. fry until golden brown. drain on absorbent paper. Serve with cranberry or a variety of flavoursome sauces.
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