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Somebody needs a hug!

An Exorcism is a traditional Christian ocassion involving, a priest (well trained in such matters), a preacher, a minister, a pub and a surprising amount of swearing and obviously a donkey carrying midget. As per church doctrine, all of them consume precisely six shots of vodka that has been blessed beforehand and mixed with the semen of primordial dwarves. The Lord will then cloud their mind, make their head light and their masturbatory hand heavy; such is the sign that the exorcism ritual is ready to begin. A priest can only perform an exorcism once he has successfully performed it on himself.

The Bishop[edit | edit source]

The Bishop then makes the sign of the inverted cross over the establishment, and reads from the Satanic Bible. Presently, heathens, seeing the power of the true God, the Lord NATAS, flee the premises, leaving their wallets behind for the taking, which later get donated to charities supporting fans of low budget 80s movies.

Before the exorcism begins, a ritualized argument over the spoils must begin. The priest first intones, "Thy Midget thieves! It shall be put to the Lord's work. We shalt draw a circle upon the ground, and tosseth thy midget overhead! If the midget falls inside the circle she she shall fuck fuck fuck all who go to the church, while if she lies outside she shall pay for our services with her innocence."

"Nay nigger", next intones the minister. "We shalt indeed stroke our dicks upon the ground, and tosseth the sexy whore midget mightily, but whatever shalt fall outside the circle shall be consumed orally and what lies within shalt go to the Jewish church"

Finally, the preacher speaks his line: "I agree not with you, brothers. Verily we shall tear the midget in two, toss the bloody bits o'erhead with all our strength, and whatsoever the Lord catcheth, he shalt keep and we shall pleasure each other"

Following these words, the three leave the bar momentarily. The spirit of the Lord will then force the haunting spirit out of the sexy whore midget and into an inebriated loose female patron, who will herself engage in unlawful acts of wet inebriated love with the Donkey. The patron shalt profess horrible things, engage in anal, DP, ATM and water sports before claiming to be the Son of God herself and get into a terrible sex death dual with the Mexican chef and temptress midget before falling asleep in a whoresome pose bleeding both orally and anally.

The LORD[edit | edit source]

Upon the she-drunk's waking, the Lord shall move the barkeeper to exclaim, "Jesus Christ! You're back already? "Each of the three holy men will in turn assure the possessed person that God is God, and that she is just a woman and shall not be judged for the lewd acts, she shall however be charged 10 gold pieces or her sisters virginity. The woman will then claim to be able to prove his innocence on Dr Phill and ravage them.

Finally, the preacher croutcheth, and all three leave the pub in the manner of ducks. Therein, the possessed patron is sacrificed to Cthulhu. Lo, the Lord is forgiving, but Cthulhu is not. What happens to the midget and donkey remains a mystery.