Zanger Bob
One of Europes best singing talents ever, Zanger Bob has a reputation and a career to look back at with pride and joy.
Early life[edit | edit source]
In 1945, Dr. Phil sr. had a little oopsy poopsy and was forced to kill himself.
However, he didn't want to end his genetic life. So he masturbated, freezed in the goo that derived from this final pleasure and shipped it to far away land in South America.
Unfortunately, it didn't get far, as the truck driving the magic goo to South America got a flat tire near Eindhoven. Before the German crew could repair the truck, they were captured and/or shot in the head.
Then the goo got into the hands of the British, who had no idea what the hell it was, but they would soon find out.
At age 7 Zanger Bob enlisted in the Swiss army. He was later discharged on the grounds of "extreme sexuality", this was assumed after he forced his mouth on the staff sergeants genitals. He soon would hit an all time low. After injecting 45901 oz. of heroin with a large dosage of cocaine within a 34 week span, he went on a spree of violence involving 17 attempted murders. Soon, he admitted himself to the Dutch Rehab Society™ where he would later meet the A&R for Hollands Kachel Records™. He was caught leading a musical cue with the patients & interns, famously known as "Laat het sneeuwen". His talent was beyond recognition. Ever since, Zanger has captured our hearts & ears. There's no telling where this young star will end up, however it will end in greatness.
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After this the goo was given to Vince-Jan van der Hoog, who is Zanger Bobs dad. He thought it was a milkshake and drank it. Right after that he got really horny. Vince-Jan was also a fan of pussy licking, and I think you can put the dots together now, can't you?
Zanger Bobs early childhood[edit | edit source]
After Zanger Bob had been borned, he started his two most favorite hobbies: Eating and torturing. Like his biological father...how sweet...
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Zanger Bob nowadays[edit | edit source]
Zanger Bob is currently running his own dildo company, known as Pleasure inc.™. Pleasure inc.™ sells a large variety of dildos, some so big they are used with a fork-lift, some so wide they are like gauges for your "butt-hole". Pleasure inc.™ has went as far as to pleasure a beached whale, of course this was the doing of Zanger "Dutch Oven" Bob.
He is currently working on a new album featuring Justin Timberlake, Flo-Rida, Spice 1, Lady gaga, Fergie, Andre 3000, Trace Adkins, Jeffree Star, Three days grace, T.I., Akon, U2 and a heart throbbing single with a-list super star Rick Astley. The upcoming Album will be titled "Zanger Bob: D-toxx"
Zanger Bob on television[edit | edit source]
Comedy central in the netherlands made a spoof of south park with real people in 2009. During the casting for cartman it was an easy choice. The series was aborted because of Bob's food requirements took up all the budget. Comedy Central opted for another series featuring antisocial thirtysomethings that live on cheap beer and chinese food, and the Live-action South Park was claimed to be an April fools joke.
Zanger Bob back from the future[edit | edit source]
Recently ANOTHER Zanger Bob showed up, with a single called "Vleeskroket", that can be found on youtube, in the video he sings about "kroketten", "shoarmarollen", and "porky-sticks". while also using thesame highly acclaimed dance moves as Zanger himself and the video is filmed inside a local fastfood restaurant in the provence of "Drenthe". Here is Bob back from the future!
This Zanger bob however is about 70 years old. In an interview this second Zanger Bob admitted that he is Zanger Bob, but from the future. He came back because the future no longer has bitterballen, kroketten, bamischijven, and shoarmarollen, since all the local factories of these typical dutch snacks were destroyed in the great flood of 2037, and after a livelong career as an entertainer, where he was bigger then Elvis and Michael Jackson, as a retirement gift he received access to a timeportal, to send him back to the year 2005, where he coordinates efforts in building a dutch snackfactory in germany, making money by using gambling stats from the future, so his young self would never run out after the great flood. Zanger himself was never in danger because he floats. The two Zangers can not perform together because this will lead to a time paradox. However, he communicates with his former self by scratching encoded messages that only he could understand onto "Mexicano's" and "Frikandellen".
Zanger also stated that timetravel only works for extremely obese people, and Prince Michael Junior and Jordy van Loon had tried it too but probably died during the process.