Who created God?
The problem of God's creation has plagued philosophers and apologists for years, causing wide and varied debate. Ridiculous theories have been suggested and dismissed from all areas of the Philosophical and Theological community, however, in recent years the problem has been solved, leading to massive conversions from the infidels you generally find in a lab or some other tainted hollow.
Older Theories[edit | edit source]
Perpetual Existence[edit | edit source]
It was previously believed that God did not require a creator in order to exist due to being eternal. However, this theory was soon discarded when the Too Intelligent Design movement proved how a super intelligent, highly educated Designer is simply too complex to be a primordial being. Taking advantage of this situation, blasphemous infidels popularized the paradoxical myth known as The Big Bang theory. In response, the Prophets of God hastily drafted several alternative theories.
Chuck Norris Creationism[edit | edit source]
Some of God's more devout followers previously held that God was created by Chuck Norris, however when asked who created Chuck they were simply forced to reassert the original perpetual existence theorem. This became problematic as Chuck's level of awesomeness has been decaying since 2005 when facts about him first appeared on the internet. Hence there must have been a point, going backwards in time, when the universe was unable to contain him.
Birth from Virgin Mary[edit | edit source]
According to the Pope Mario I, God was given birth to by the Virgin Mary, the "Mother of God". That raises the question of who caused her parthenogenesis, and how an organic human from the 1st century could give birth to an incorporeal cosmic entity from beyond time. But again, the Pope is infallible.
Evolution or something[edit | edit source]
Some people believe that God may have evolved from smaller, less complex Gods such as Trees and the Sun. The theory holds that back when trees and other such objects were worshipped, the larger trees or brighter stars would receive more adoration and hence more would become better at being divine. Thus divine entities became more complex and adapted to their environments through mystical selection. This theory is generally disregarded as there are no parallels to this idea in the material world which we inhabit.
God not actually existing[edit | edit source]
This theory is rather self explanatory, but was widely disregarded on the grounds that Richard Dawkins's smugness has to be counterbalanced by something quite un-smug. This source of un-smugness is God, who therefore exists.
Grand unified theory[edit | edit source]
| Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel A very famous painting rendered by Dr Michelangelo PhD |
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Only a Mathematician can truly understand the divine... Maybe a few Physicists can come too. |
The new theory to explain God's creation is completely flawless and entirely well composed. Essentially God managed to create himself in an infinite loop, sort of like a fractal pattern. This is reflected in the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Why God decided to temporarily stop creating himself and create mankind is still a complete mystery which philosophers are now working on in a most dedicated fashion. This includes a hard regime of waking up at 11:00 hours and reading for a bit before taking a nap. Some theorise that Mankind is actually God, and that we need to go create ourselves again or something. Go figure on that one, I can't really be bothered. Philosophers have widely accepted this new theory because it gave them something new to write about, thus preserving their most useful provision to society.
