Welcome to Biscathorpe!
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Here at Biscathorpe, we are committed to making the best life possible for all of the people who live here. We provide them with a first-grade education and a dumpster to call home. We live near Lake Toxic Waste (see Page 2) which is full of beautiful fish that have mutations from toxic waste exposure. You should take a dip in the lake in your free time! And also at Biscathorpe you will find the town famous because that's the only place it's been World Famous Road Kill and Motor Oil Pie (see Page 3)! Ask Grandma Pumpkin for a slice down at the Poisoned Food Restaurant. Also, Biscathorpe is full of amazing wild life that you can always find dead on the road (see Page 4). That's where Grandma Pumpkin gets her "secret ingredient" for her pie. Don't Forget to check out new Chucky McChucksters Theme Park For Children Below the Age of 2 Months Old (see Page 5)! It is full of fun activities. And we also have a sports field (see Page 6) fit for the pros. Not to mention our town Mascot (see Page 4)! Well, There you have it! For further information look at the following pages or go ask the friendly man at the local newsstand. If he's sleeping you have to punch him to make him to wake up.
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At Biscathorpe, we are proud to be the town with the most ugly and disgusting lake that ever walked the planet beautiful lake in the United States. Lake Toxic Waste is the U.S.'s leader in fish killed due to water pollution and People killed due to water pollution (That is why our population is so small). Still, Olympic class swimmers grew up swimming in this lake, and they went to the Biscathorpe Intratown Olympics. One won the gold medal! Well, that's because he was the only swimmer. Oh well. And he died later that night. But still our lake is so beautiful and fun to swim in, not to mention it smells like compost and beer. And when you drink it it tastes like beer, too! How delightful! For all of you party-ers out there this is the lake for you!
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Behold, the item that makes Biscathorpe so special... The ROAD KILL and MOTOR OIL PIE! This pie is made by good old Grandma Pumpkin, the inventor and poster-girl of the pie making industry. She has a list of super ingredients that blend together to make a wholesome and carcinogenic pie that town celebrities have eaten. The pie's title is WORLD FAMOUS, even though one of her pies hasn't even left her restaurant. Her restaurant, called Poisoned Food Restaurant, is the only most successful restaurant in Biscathorpe. She also includes poached fish from Lake Toxic Waste, weeds, and dirt-coffee on her menu. If you feel like getting yourself killed having a bite to eat, drop by Poisoned Food Restaurant for a gourmet meal made by Grandma Pumpkin.
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Here in Biscathorpe, we have a ton of wildlife and natural wonders. Take, for example, our mascot, Fire Breathin' Rabbit. He is the heart and soul of our wonderful little town. His energy is unbelievable for a dead rabbit on the middle of the road that has been rotting and covered in maggots for nearly 2 decades now, he is the most energized and energetic person in the city! We also have vegetation, including weeds with a hint of grass. All of the grass is on our sports complex. There are two trees within sight of the northern dumpster and neck high weeds surrounding our beautiful village. If you ever want to take pictures of animals, our roads are full of them. You can find disposable cameras over at the newsstand I was talking about before. The one with the sleeping guy, remember? Also, the site of a grue does happen about once a decade.
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The newest edition to Biscathorpe's group of entertainment is Chucky McChucksters Theme Park For Children Below the Age of 2 Months Old Who Want To Chuck On Chucky McChucksters Theme Park. The theme park has been given a long name becaus it suits babies who can't read. The park is filled with fake rides that draw your eye. In reality, there is only one and that is the Torture Machine. The ride shoots you out of a cannon into Lake Toxic Waste. It's actually quite fun if you live to tell the tale like I have, but if you don't, well, that's too bad. Anyway, admission is for people below the age of 2 months old, therefore making it very hard to actually sell any tickets. In fact, the place hasn't sold one. It is now run-down and dilapidated and there hasn't been a person in it since God created Man a while ago...
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Do ever have the incredible urge to go play a sport? Well, here in Biscathorpe, we have our own Sports Park. The park itself is suitable for the pros. You can play tag, football, baseball - any sport you can imagine! This field will get the wiggles out of you or satisfy your incredible need to play some obscure sport like water polo (no pool included). Our field is maintained by top of the line landscapers, or you could just say that sleeping guy at the newspaper stand that I talked about earlier. He takes great care of our park and makes sure it is suitable for any game at any time. He keeps the grass green and cut like a baseball field, you know, with all of the cool patterns. He makes the Sports Complex something this small town is very proud of.
Last Page[edit | edit source]
Well, I hope this Guide helped you in your tour through Biscathorpe. We hope you had an excellent time strolling through our city that has been voted the Worst Best looking city in America for 107 straight years. Don't forget to tell your friends about our World Famous Road Kill and Motor Oil Pie! And hopefully you aren't dead from swimming in Lake Toxic waste.