User talk:God-Is-Cool

woe betide all who would dare spit in the face of our God - to whom all life is sacred.

woe ye heathens, ye Muslims, ye Atheists, ye Buddhists, ye retarded, ye Catholic, ye Mormon, ye Furry, ye Gay, ye Arab, ye Jew, ye Black, ye Asian, ye Satanist, ye Scientologist, ye Socialist, ye Liberal, ye Taoist, ye Animist, ye Spiritualist and ye Dutch.

woe detide all ye followers of Satan and may the Lord have mercy on your unclean souls - for in his infinite wisdom he has judge ye to be worthy only for the fiery pits of damnation.

But do not fear, there is still yet hope for your mortal souls - repent, shun your idols and your fetishes, cast aside your false-gods and embrace the glory that is God! taste the sweet wine of victory and enter the gates of Heaven! Repent all ye wicked goats and return to the Good Shepherd - he who shall protect you from the Wolf that is Satan.

The end is nigh, so make haste - repent, get onto your knees and pray forgiveness: for the Lord is coming and all will be judged.

Dude...

God really isn't offended - in fact, I'm pretty sure He spends most of his time on 4chan and doesn't read Uncyclopedia much. Honestly - take my word for it, us guys have been friendly with Him for about three and half thousand years longer than you lot and we know what He's like. Also, don't go blanking stuff - since you're a noob I really don't want to ban you. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:00, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Welcome, initiate, to Uncyclopedia!

Father Why do I need to provide this? welcomes you to the wondrous world of Uncyclopedia!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Greetings, Initiate God-Is-Cool, and welcome to the Temple of Uncyclopedia! (If you aren't yet ready to accept Sophia as your Holy Potato, see your alternate secular welcome).

Thank you for your current and future contributions, assuming, of course, you aren't possessed with the spirit of a vandal. I pray that you have a long, happy and productive life here. But if you really want to leave, you can pass through the door that says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." But I wouldn't recommend it.

BEGINNING YOUR NEW LIFE

Want six fun things to read?

This series consists of six lessons designed to Uncyclopedically guide you, the new believer, to living the life that would be pleasing to Sophia. These lessons will show that Sophia has given the new Uncyclopedian specific instructions as to how to live the very best life here possible, which means avoiding getting ceremoniously fried in boiling oil. (We don't really do that. Honest. Would I lie?)

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we sadly do not accept articles about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. And please read a few featured articles so you can see what's considered the best here (make sure you find the featured version). If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

What can you do?

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your Sophiacal creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:God-Is-Cool/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold, cruel world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - on the top of it.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, you might browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid of the unknown depths - dive right in!

And speaking of the depths, there's Imperical Colonization, of which I am currently Buccaneer Admiral, which means I took over when no one was looking. There's also the fine community service.

Where can you go for help?

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. I was an adopted noob, and it kept me out of trouble. Well, some of the time. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to apply to be adopted. Again, welcome!   Father WHY??? (confessions)  19:28, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Friendly suggestion

Also I'm giving you the friendly welcome in spite of your "work" on Talk:God. If you want to get in a religious discussion, there are people here who will do so on their personal talk pages, although be prepared for people to make fun of anything as that's rather what we do here. Also people will be more likely to listen to you if you don't mess with their work (assuming you're serious, of which I have some doubt).  Father WHY??? (confessions)  19:28, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thank God!

Agnostics are safe! Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 21:33, Apr 23 2010 UTC

Yeah, but us retards seems to be in troubles Al sans chains 22:07 23 4

Ye appear to be correct. Woe betide ye. Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 22:40, Apr 23 2010 UTC

All life is sacred

Your first line, churchboy. All life is sacred. Are you a vegetarian? If not, epic fail!!!! Al sans chains 21:41 23 4

Just for the fun of it, go up to a vegetarian Catholic and say "Body of Christ". Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 21:47, Apr 23 2010 UTC

Check out my rewrite and repic of Communion, which has been up for quite awhile now. Al en chain two minutes later

p.s. Not a total rewrite, lots of the spine was kept and I kept all the good writing, then added to it.

My Fellow Christian

so seem to be of strong faith but I disagree with some of your points here: the Dutch and retarded (who prefer to be known as mentally challenged) are NOT enemies of God - nor are Blacks, perhaps you should listen closer to what God has to say: He is more accepting than you would have people believe (even if you may of meant well) - in case you are wondering I was directed here my Meganew, who thought we were the same.. if you read this message speak with me in private --Apostle Of Christ 17:59, September 9, 2010 (UTC)