User talk:DJ Irreverent/UnNews:Tennessee Prohibits Evolution, Townsfolk Rejoice
my first full UnNews --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 
11:15, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
- You're kidding. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 12:40 Mar 11
| “ | Local store owners have warned that the ban will effectively create a gigantic "evolution" black market where farmers will be able to acquire illegally evolving crops and livestock; these claims have been vehmently denied by Tennessee's relatively small Italian population. "Dose mugs will take boit legged crops for any pric... um... evolution is veroiy immoral, particularly for a devoted Catholoic loike moi," explained local ruffian Jimmy Capossi before jumping out the same window as a different siren approached. | ” |
- Will add later --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 
11:59, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 9 | Very nice in this area, almost a perfect ten. It's thick and dripping with quality satire, as well as that smoky flavor from the hillbilly humor. Everyone loves the south. Wait, that's not true. Anyways, there were a couple areas which I found to be somewhat lacking. The one paragraph which I would like for you to rethink is paragraph 12, the one about the evolution black market. This bit stuck out as one that really dragged the whole idea (which is good) down with it: "...Tennessee's Italian population. "Dose mugs will take boit legged crops for any pric... um... evolution is veroiy immoral, particularly for a devoted Catholoic loike moi," explained local ruffian Jimmy Capossi before jumping out the same window as a different siren approached." It just doesn't seem to fit in with the flow of the rest of the article. I think keeping with your hick spin when writing about this Evolution Black Market would give the article a much better, more consistent feel. But other than that one little spot, the rest of the article is just hilarious. |
| Concept: | 10 | Wow. Amazing idea. As sick as most of us are of stupid redneck humor, this was an absolute gem. From the beginning to the end, your idea is consistent and well executed. At the same time, there is still progression in this story. I wish I could offer you some kind of advice on how to improve this, but I really don't think this is an area that needs much changing. That's why you get my ten. I'm at an utter loss for advice here. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Your prose is pretty good, and your tone is consistent. You had a few capitalization errors, which I fixed for you. But I'm still taking it out of your score. Make sure that you proofread this before mainspacing it. Formatting is fine, there's not much room for improvement there. My only advice for this section would be to make good use of the Proofreading Service. I'm not sure if I caught all of the errors here, I only corrected the obvious ones. Just remember that proper nouns are capitalized, and "to" and "too" are "two" separate words. |
| Images: | 8 | The first two images were...adequate. They're pretty much text based, and have no real humor value. But they're fine. No need to get rid of them or anything. The image that got you the eight was the third one. I'm pretty sure that it wasn't edited, and it still contributes a lot of humor value to the article. I really like it, it's a great find and fits just perfectly. Good job there. The fact that you used all black and white pictures is really nice. It sure helped to establish the desired atmosphere you designated earlier at first glance. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8.5 | Averaged using {{Pee}}, I've got nothing else for you. |
| Final Score: | 42.5 | To summarize, this is a great article that needs to be put on the mainspace and possibly up on VFH asap. The very few areas of interest I asked you to look at were matters of opinion, since you've certainly got article writing down to a science. (Buh-boom, tshhh!) This article really sticks out to me as being VFHable, let me know if you're down with me nominating this right now or if you wanted to make some further edits first. |
| Reviewer: | ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 21:50 Mar 9 | |
How much of this was sporked from the following The Onion article?
The Onion: Kansas Outlaws Practice of Evolution
Examples: (note, I will write the original Onion citations in italic font and the Uncyclopedia article in boldface)
Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species
Tennessee lawmakers have passed legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial practice responsible for the formation and diversity of species.
"From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God's intended design,"
"From this day forward, the streets, forests, rivers, and swamps of God's great state of Tennessee will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to pro-cre-ate without deviating from God's intended design,"
Violators of the new law may face punishments that include jail time, stiff fines, and rehabilitative education and training to rid organisms suspected of evolutionary tendencies. Repeat offenders could face chemical sterilization.
This punishment varies from fines, rehabilitation programs too imprisonment and, in extreme cases, a total ban of reproduction.
There's a few more instances too.
I'm not going to say it's plagiarized, but the amount of new content is pretty thin and of inferior quality. It's not the first time Uncyclopedia's jacked stuff from other sources, but there's no way in hell this should be nominated.--Count of Monkey Crisco 17:40, 11 March 2008 (UTC)