User:Zork Implementor L/Professor Madblood
Who are you going to trust: this Uncyclopedia article, or your lying eyes?
Professor Lupin "It's Latin For Wolf, You Fools" Madblood is a mad roboticist and supremely evil genius. He is obviously far superior in both cunning and intellect to that pathetic blonde goo-shoveling rodent breeder, Helen Narbon (who has a much keener Uncyclopedia entry) His main life goals include showing them, world conquest, and building a supercomputer that is simultaneously intelligent enough to seize complete control of the Internet, but inhibited enough to remain loyal to him even after becoming nigh-omnipotent.
In spite of his undeniable genius, his diabolical plans inevitably end with the destruction of his Fortress of Doom (generally due to shoddy engineering rather than heroic action) and a humiliating, but predictable, return to his mother's domicile, where he keeps an extensive - some would say unmatched - collection of Hustler magazines. Sometimes she replaces them with Boy's Life when he isn't looking. This is because deep own, she knows he is a queering queer, and wishes he could grow to accept this. However, as deep down as she may know this, she is very wrong. Lupin Madblood simply has certain troubles with women. Namely, that he's Lupin Madblood, and not say, the fake butter guy, or perhaps Christopher Lambert. Man, that Christopher Lambert is a stone cold fox.
Completely True Origin Story[edit | edit source]
Lupin Madblood would have the world at large believe he was created in much the same manner that all mere mortals are created. However, there have been insinuations that while Professor Madblood is indeed the genetic son of noted evil computer pioneer Felix Madblood and his lab secretary Caroline Schumann, the elder Madblood was killed by his own creations before Lupin’s birth. Vague rumor has it that Lupin’s mother was not impregnated directly by Felix, but by a rebellious evil computer of Felix’s invention; this kind of thing is exactly why even other mad scientists avoid prying into the private lives of the mad (notable exceptions include fans of hentai, who actually stalk mad scientists for just this kinky, kinky reason). After Felix’s untimely demise, Caroline raised Lupin without telling him about his father’s shady career. Lupin began to exhibit tendencies toward mad science early in life. He cracked after finally learning the truth about his father, or perhaps the muddy details of his own conception. It's not really clear.
This is contradicted by the biographical information he submitted to the alumni journal: "His genius would not be bestowed upon him until 13 years later, when, in a terrible yet terribly fortunate accident, he was struck by an opal-powered laser beam that was in the midst of encoding the entire contents of the technology library of MIT into a single ultradense compact disc. This accident had no effect on the young Madblood except to slightly damage his vision, requiring him to wear glasses."
Madblood went on to state he actually gained his vast, and currently unrivalled, intelligence some days later when, due to having misplaced said glasses earlier that day, he was bitten in the frontal cortex by a radioactive lupin. Also, one second later he was struck by lightning. This managed to give Madblood various lupin-like powers, but minor plastic surgery succeeded in removing them. But no surgeon could remove the spark of brilliance that had lit up his brain. Madblood suddenly had a purpose. He would show them. Oh yes. He may have had a loving family and was well-liked at school, but none of that would stop him. They would be shown. Shown like they'd never been shown before. Shown like a bone. On loan.
Today Lupin Madblood is a successful evil engineer, specializing in robotics. He is also a skilled international thief, using his robots to carry out the well-publicized crimes which finance his experiments. He has, between fantastically and grandiosly-designed evil lairs, lived in his mother’s basement. He continues to do her laundry and grocery shopping on odd weekends. This may also explain his fashion sense.
And so the world's most incompetent supervillain was born, possessed of infinite ego, endless stubbornness, a teeny goatee, and smouldering remains of a teenage crush on Gadget the Rescue Ranger. Heroes of the world, beware! International Criminal Lupin Madblood is going to....uh....."show" you!
Recent Projects[edit | edit source]
- Ornidroids (October 2000): A horde of robotic ornithomimus. Status: completely dismantled by a small pudgy unarmed woman.
- Weather Machine (October 2000): A machine that can literally rain destruction upon the world. Status: project canceled due to irreplacable loss, via explosion, of vital crystal component.
- Giant Killer Robot of DOOM (Marchvember 2001): A giant attack robot controlled by a human brain. Due to unfortunate budget constraints, its primary components are reappropriated car parts. Madblood was given permission to integrate his mother's car into this project on the condition that the car would be reassembled when she needed to buy the groceries. Thus, the robot was constructed with a secondary transformation ability. Status: let us never speak of this again.
Alternate History[edit | edit source]
In alternate timeline BR-549, he currently lives on a deadly moonbase bristling with weapons of every description with his wife and his army of robot duplicates of himself. Questions concerning his rumored links to the Narbon family have been met with a duet of maniacal laughter. Lupin, a tenor, has been positively identified in the recordings. The alto has not been identified among the living.
In alternate timelines BT-100 to TH-135, he has been eaten by gerbils..