User:Zojo/Tom Green

Number of people who were offended by Tom since you've been born.

"Hello, Darling. How 'bout a spot of tea?"

“FUNNY AS HELL!!”

~ Tom Green and his crazy antics

“I do not think your funny, Tom.”

~ Tom Hanks on Tom Green

“This guy touches me in ways I've never been touched before.”

~ Tom Green on Tom Green

“Je suis Tom!!!!!”

~ Tom Green on himself

“Unleash the Fury!”

~ Tom Green on something

The Origin of Tom Green

There is much debate on how Tom Green came into existance. One theory is that the Greek god, Apollo, attempted to create the Ultimate Life Form. Apollo created Tom Green and sent him to the earth to do his bidding. Clearly, Apollo failed in this attempt at the Ultimate Life Form and his mistake brought havoc and chaos to the world. Even though Apollo was disappointed in his failed attempt, he thought it was funny as hell.

Tom's Multiple Personalities

Green is believed to posses multiple personalities. Most are used in an attempt at comedy though, some tend to be violent. Others are just plain out there. Tom denies these alleged statements yet, most still believe them. They believe that within the confinds of Greens mind rests a dark behemoth of truly unrivaled power. They have the crazy notion that one day this so called beast will escape from his mind and shower it terror down upon the ususpecting citizens of New York and L.A. They base their evidence on MCFace this once believed to be a different person turned out to be Tom himself. They were apauled at this knowledge. The fact that someone as innocent and peaceloving as Tom Green could become the dark terror known as MCFace was proof enough that something was'nt right with the nation's beloved comedian.

Tom's Destructive Path

"Peek-A-Boo...guess who? It's me!" Tom Green on his first day as a contract killer.

There are many who have been left in the wake of Tom Green's destructive path. The background's of Green's enemies cover a wide range since Green has used multiple tactics and took up many professions in an attempt to make the world not a better place. Green's past occupations range from contract killer to the guy who wears the Chucky Cheese costume that scares the hell out of your kids. Obviously, Green has turned many a stranger into his mortal enemies. These people dispise his horrid forms of amusement and have went to extreme measures to try and stop Green's reign of terror in the Western Hemisphere. Even so, all attempt at subduing hime have all failed.

List of Tom's Enemies

• Al Gore
• Chris Rock
• Dick Cheney
• Doris Roberts
• James Earl Jones
• James Gandolfini
• ManBearPig
• Tom Hanks
• 'Every citizen in the state of Texas

Tom's Crazy antics

Tom is known for his nature of comedy and his attacks on Tom Hanks. He truly believes that Tom Hanks stole his name. His anger knows no bounds and his fury will be heard...through the use of slapstick, disturbing comedy.

Relationship to Tom Hanks

HANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tom Green has pulled off many dispicable pranks on Tom Hanks (yes, the Award winning actor and star of such hit motion pictures as Forest Gump.) As legend has it, Tom Green decided he needed an archrival. He did not care who but he knew his life would be in vain without an archrival. Green proceeded to make a list of people he knew which included famous, non-famous, and imaginary individuals. On December 7, 1941, Tom finally did a lotto drawing on all the names he compiled. The ball he picked actually said "James Earl Jones" but Tom was so excited he only gave the ball a quick glance and thought it said Tom Hanks. Now...Tom Hanks pays the price of Green's lack of scrutiny. Some say James Earl Jones used the Dark Side of the Force to change the name on the ball to "Tom Hanks". This theory is plausible but at this point is pure speculation.

After hearing this alleged rumor, Green responded, "What? The dark side...huh. Yeah, that sounds like JJ-Vaduh to me! Hahaha, well anyway...I'M GONNA GET YOU HANKS!!! Ooooo, is that pizza?!"
Green believes the theory but also believes it was still fate that he ended up with Hanks' name. Green thought that it was fate's hands directing James Earl Jones (JJ-Vaduh as he's called by Green) to alter the results. So, Hanks is the true archrival of Tom Green no matter what way he was chosen.

“Anyway it looked like Tom Hanks' name on the ball, so I just went with the flow. Ooooo, is that pizza?!”

~ Tom Green

The Day of Reckoning

"Damn, I'm sexy as hell.

What started out as a normal day turned violent upon the discovery of a new Tom...which was the soon-to-be phenomenon, Tommy Lee Jones. Green realized this after a meeting with said actor, Green (Tom#1 as he wished to be called) was outraged at this autrocity.

“Why???!!Why???!!!”

~ Tom Green on questions leading to the Day of Reckoning

“Who? What? When? Where? How?”

~ Tom Green on questions continued

If only Tommy Lee Jones would have just introduced himself by his middle name, this tragedy could have been avoided. This is merely a dream due to the ever present fact that Tommy Lee Jones no longer exists. *see his name is in red that proves it!*

Marriage to Drew Barrymore

This is one of the costumes Green was forced to wear in their roleplaying sex.

On the set of Charlie's Tables, Tom Green met his future wife Drew Barrymore. When Green first saw her, he immediately became smitten with her. He thought she was "Sexy as hell." To win her over he tried to impress her by setting a live chicken of fire in her dressing room. Though disturbed by Green's odd form of flirtation, Barrymore gave Green a chance. Barrymore was alone and had low self esteem at the time so she enjoyed the attention.
On July 7, 2001, Barrymore and Green got married. They spent their honeymoon as unwelcome house guests at Tom Hank's house. They spent most of the time pulling pranks on Hanks, having sex in Wookie costumes, and vandalizing [Wikipedia] articles. Hanks eventually called the police to arrest Green and Barrymore after they made fun of the move Castaway.
On December 17, 2001, Barrymore and Green filed for divorce with Barrymore citing "He's is fucking crazy!" Feeling betrayed by the woman he loved so dear, Green slipped into a deep depression which would change his life, and quite possible the entire world, forever.

Filmography

Somehow Tom Green keeps getting the opprotunity to star in films. Currently, scientists are trying to find the reason why Tom Green keeps getting work. Many causalties have resulted in this research.

• The Chicken Tree (1898)
  
• The Chicken Tree 2: The Poultry Pine (1999)
  
• Learning to Use a Clutch (1998)
  
• Jebus Christ Superstar (1999)
  
• Road Trip: The Search for Spock (2000)
  
• Road Trip 2: We Found Him! (2000)
  
• Charlie's Tables (2000)
  
• The Tom Green Show - Something Smells Funny (DVD) (2001)
  
• The Tom Green Show - Something Smells Delightful (VHS) (2001)
  
• Freddy Got Fingered...We Got It All On Tape (2001)
  
• The Tom Green Show - Tonsil Pollo (DVD) (2001)
  
• Stealing Harvard (2002)
  
• Put the Blame on Tom Hanks for Harvard's Disappearance (DVD) (2002)
  
• The True Meaning of Veteren's Day Specials (2002)
  
• The Tom Green Show - Road Trip with Tom Green playing every role (DVD) (2003)
  
• Grime (Mr. Clean TV spot) (2003)
  
• Bob the Butler vs Bob the Builder (2005)
  
• Prankstar (2008) - tentatively titled Infamous until December 20
  

Upcoming:

• Shred (2007)
  
• Freezer Burn (2008)
  
• Shred 2 (2008)
  
• The 1 Second Film (2009)
  
• Shred the Third (2009)
  
• The 360,000 Second Film (2009)
  
• Shred Zero (2012)
  

Attemp at Music

"Ooooo, is that pizza?!"

The elusive MCFACE...just a little side note this isn't photoshoped

Tom Green has also dabbled in the musical art of Rap. He released his first album titled, THE FURY. There has been mixed responsed from the media concerning the album. Some were outraged at the level of profanity in the songs and demanded that anyone who owned a copy should be executed and the all discs should be burned immediately to prevent civil war in the United States. Some, though, believed Green to be their Messiah upon hearing his heavenly voice on the album. Aparently it was more well recieved than hated because Green went on to produce other albums.

• Huh? Stiffenin' The Berlin Wall (1992)
  
• Not The Bill Engvale Show (1998) Performed as MC Face
  
• Funny as Hell (2005)
  
• Pizza Pizza (2006) Created to be used in a Little Caeser's commericial.