User:WarWalrus/hellboy

“Fucking Amateur!”

~ Batman on Hellboy

Hellboy is a comic book, film and god knows what else franchise about A red mutant named Hellboy who has a lot of family issues. The stories consist of half baked ideas about monsters, magic and Nazis. The poularity of the franchise has created many cults such as the BNP. The film was directed by Guillermo del Toro who later went on to direct Gran's Labyrinth (2006).

Characters

Hellboy, doing his best Dirty Harry impression

• Hellboy:Hellboy is a big red guy who hangs around with a big blue guy. Together they kill other big guys that are different colours. He is the son of John Hurt and enjoys long walks and jumping under trains. He is the hero of the story, although he's a bit of a dick.

• The Professor: The Professor or Old man, is Hellboy's father. He found Hellboy during world war two when a Nazi tried to use dark magic to open a gateway to hell (no, we didn't beleave it the first time either). He then set up an agency to repel the forces of evil and sanity. In the films he is played by John Hurt. The professor enjoys reading and unusual situations.

• Abe Sapien: Abe is the blue guy who is a fishman who likes rotten eggs and reading. He likes to touch things (heh heh) and is available any day of the week. Call Abe now on 0275 745 6485.

• Liz Sherman: Liz Sherman is the love interest of Hellboy, the professor and John Myers, due to the fact that she is the only woman in the main cast. She has the power to set herself on fire and has been questioned about her role as a suicide bomber for AlQuada.

• John Myers: John Myers is a single man who is interested in women. He works in a top secret organisation where he fights Nazis and other types of strange beings. The character was invented for the film version of the comic. He only appeared in the first film however, as Del Toro realised nobody cared about him.

• Johann Krauss: Krauss is a robot with magic powers that is supposed to keep an eye on Hellboy in the second film. He has a German accent but surprisingly is not a Nazi. He quickly becomes disliked by Hellboy, for Hellboy does not like anyone.

• Karl Ruprecht Kroenen: Karl is an assassin for the Nazi government and is one of most formidable fighters in the series. He enjoys fencing and Poetry. He was killed off in the first film, as letting him survive would be racist.

• Prince Nuada: Prince Nuada is an aryan elf who believes he is higher up than the common man, ands want to eradicate the human race with his reich of robots. He is the substitute for Kroenen for the second film as everybody knows that you can't have a Hellboy film without a sword fighting extremist.

• Others: Do you know what? Who really gives a flying fuck about the others

Film

Using the great effects from the film Avatar, Del Toro was able to make all the creatures in the second film look the most realistic they can be.

The film Hellboy was made in 2005 and featured Hellboy, Abe and John Myers journeying through the mystical land of mysticallness to stop a Nazi plot to bring a demon from hell into the world. The story did not make much sense but the fight scenes were cool. Clint Eastwood was first asked to play Hellboy but apparently he fell out with Del Toro after he scuffed up his well kept lawn. The film received above average reviews worldwide. In Germany, the film was cut so there were no references to Nazis at all. This version of the film consisted of Hellboy jumping around for no reason and was only ten minutes long. Some cinemas refused to play the film, as it was released the same time as The Passion Of Christ and people may get confused on which one was supposed to be Mel Gibson.

Seeing as the first film did so well, the money hungry film producers let Del Toro direct a sequel. Del Toro had just suffered a mental breakdown and was now hooked on steroids. This caused him to go crazy in the costume design department, leading to the creation of extremely wacky looking monsters. Hellboy 2: The big golden guys was about the big red guy and the big blue guy killing a lot of big golden guys and a pointy eared bastard. The film is much less dark than the first film and most people agree it is better than the original.

A third film -Hellboy 3: The Revenge of the Sith - is set to be released in the year 2022. The plot consists of Hellboy getting chlamydia from his father in a scene from Hellboy 2. Then Hellboy and Abe must search the the holy land of israel for a cure before Hellboy becomes infertile, meeting Jesus on the way to battle with giant swastikas. Del Toro has stated that " I wanted to give the third film a realistic feel so that we can relate to Hellboy even though he's a big red motherfucker". He has also confirmed that Kroenen will return in the film to fulfil the role of sword fighting Nazi in the third film. Del Toro has denied the rumours that he is a right wing extremist and that just because he includes right wing character's in all of his films, it does not mean he supports them.

Other Media

Hellboy started out as a comic book hero but lets be honest here, has anyone ever read them? If it's not a film, it's not worth it.

Action figures have been made from the films so that kids can whine to their parents for more stuff that they will forget about the next day.

Animated films may also be made about Hellboy, so that children can watch cartoon Nazi's every saturday morning.