User:Walkingonfire/UnNews:Harold Camping gets sideburns shaven off after bet with Big Brother

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 May 2011

Look at this guy's sideburns. What a douche

Oakland, California -- After the longest game in baseball history, Harold Camping and his 100 million douche teammates go against the Big Brother and lose after the Big Brother himself, hit a two run home run in the bottom of the 89th inning to give Big Brother and his 6 billion teammates a 2-0 lead. Camping and his 100 million teammates forfeit in the top of the 90th due to old age. Right before the game Big Brother and Camping made a friendly wager. If Big Brother wins, he personally shaves off the sideburns off Mr. Camping himself, but if Camping won, he would become the new Big Brother. After the game, Big Brother went personally to the douche bag's dugout.

Once Big Brother found the dugout and caught Harold praying to God, it was time to cut off the sideburns. Big Brother grabbed his tools and shaved off those cool side burns. Once he shaved off the sideburns, Harold ran as fast as a sissy to the nearest mirror, saw his new look and was so shocked that he fainted and was rushed to a hospital where the doctor pronounced him dead. He was old, very, very, old, but he was younger than your mom.