User:Turb0-Sunrise/UnScripts:Lord of the Rings

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UnScripts:Lord of the Rings is part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions


Oh, yeah. OH, YEAH!
Act I
Black screen
Mordor - dark, obviously. it's a black screen. Numbnuts.
Mount Doom erupts.
Omnipotent Voice
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then 3 or 4 thousand years passed. Boring as hell, they were. No porn at all. Anyways, then a dark power decided he was going to take over all of Middle-Earth. This dark power was Sauron. What an ass.
Pan downwards
The Shire - Mid-morning
The sound of Samwise Gamgee's garden shears is heard, as Frodo Baggins walks out of Bag-End.
Frodo
Get your lazy ass up, Sam! We're going on an adventure!
Sam
That was Bilbo's line, right? From 60 or so years ago? Anyways, I need to finish your garden.
Frodo
Nobody cares about my fucking garden, you fat midget! I doubt I'm coming back, either. So get up and come on!
Sam
(annoyed)
Do we at least get food?
Frodo
To quote Isildur, "No."
But I waaant food now! Hey! Get your finger out of my eye!
Act II: Merry and Pippin Do Some Drugs
FrodoGotDaRing.jpg
Frodo
Look what I found!
Sam
Were you listening to a word I said? We need to get Merry and Pippin in on this!
Frodo
God, this is why I stay away from this part of town. Black Riders everywhere!
Sam
Anyways, we need those two clowns with us if we plan on getting anywhere.
(Several days of walking pass, taking about as long as that running scene from Forrest Gump)

Smokin Merry.gif

Merry
(stoned out of his fucking skull)
Haha... heya, guys! You want some weed? Great quality stuff here.
Sam
No. Get up, you stoned dipshit! And where's Pippin?
Merry
My ass, how about you?
Frodo
Pippin! Get your ass out here!
(Pippin proceeds to fall down six flights of stairs before popping up, unharmed.)
Pippin
How you doin'? Where we goin'?
(Pan upwards)
Narrator
And so the Hobgobli- Hobbits! I mean Hobbits! Went to Bree. We're going to skip this. Nothing important happened. Plus, I have a hooker to meet.
Act III: Elfendell or whatever those blonde bimbos call it
Frodo
Boy, my shoulder sure hurts, Aragorn.
Pippin
Hold on, we're just going to skip like half an hour? What happened to the quota?
Aragorn
stfu n00b lol
Kickass elf who may or may not be Legolas
(Swooping down on a kickass eagle)
What's up, twits?
Act IV
Moria Escape.gif
Pippin
Hey, what's down this hole?
(Pippin proceeds to throw a rock down the hole, creating a loud splash from far below)
Gandalf
You fucking dumbass! What the hell were you thinking, throwing something down there! I'll show you down there...
(Gandalf picks Pippin up like a football and Gronk spikes him down the hole, before walking away.)
Act IV, take 2
Pippin
Hey, what's down this hole?
(Pippin proceeds to throw a rock down the hole, creating a loud splash from far below)
Gandalf
Fuck! You dumbass, our cover's blown!
Director
CUT!
Producer
Keep it PG, Gandalf!
Gandalf
So now we can't swear? What about the fucking midgets? They swore all the time back in act 1!
Producer
...Just keep it down, we'll cut that out later.
Gandalf
No promises, Todd!
Act IV, take 3
Pippin
Hey, what's down this hole?
(Pippin proceeds to throw a rock down the hole, creating a loud splash from far below)
Gandalf
You fool! Next time I'll throw YOU down that hole!
(The drum solo from "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin is heard gradually getting louder)
Gandalf
Now look what you've done! IT WAS HIS FAULT!
Pippin
Sorry...?
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