User:Torchwood/The Torchwood Chronicles

The Chronicles Of The Man In A Suit

The Book Of Creation

Author: Torchwood

In the beginning, a MAN IN A SUIT created the heavens and the earth and the council estates. Then he turned the lights on and marveled at the heavens and earth and looked away in disgust at the council estates

And there on the mountain stood a MAN IN A SUIT. This man held a briefcase. This man was known to the McDonalds employees as 70RC4W00dZ, but as the remaining populace of earth had brains, they knew him as ;;MAN IN A SUIT. He stood up from the mountain, threw his briefcase into the earth and shouted:

"I LOVE YOU CONAN THE BARBARIAN"

And for their sins, the people shouted "I LOVE YOU CONAN THE BARBARIAN", and the McDonalds employees texted "1 10V3 U C0N4N 7H3 B4RB4R14N" to their mates.

MAN IN A SUIT realising his creation of the love, presented a gift to the people. The gift was the smite-ment of the McDonalds employees. And using his big toe alone, he smited the McDonalds employees for their sins. The McDonalds employees realising their smite-ment, cried in pain for they had lost their retainers in the deep-fat frier.

And they descended in the Nova...

The McDonalds employees had descended into hell in a Vauxhall Nova, and were not seen again for their ASBO's and Restraining Order's were fierce.

And the people cried out in joy and MAN IN A SUIT was pleased.

The Book Of Lunacy

Author: Saint Jimmy

And MAN IN A SUIT Decreed that for every can of stella, for every bottle of white lightning, he would kill a Ninja in response, and the interweb said: 0h No3s!!111!!1one! Ninjas r teh pwnz0r!!.

of course, this didnt go down too well with MAN IN A SUIT and he decreed "For every Happy Meal eating, Burberry wearing Fool there shall be a pirate killed. this will balance out that a Ninja must die." this caused the Ninjas to cry out in Joy, for it proves that their Mortal enemy, the Pirate was not above the discrimination. the MAN IN A SUIT Proclaimed "To Celebrate my un-prejudice, there shall be a great party in my honor. There shall be alcohol, wenches and ye olde fools." and the people said "where and when o great MAN IN A SUIT?" to which he replied "Jimmy's Place at 7:30PM No earlier. on pain of Death." as his main party trick, the MAN IN A SUIT gave the people the gift of Masturbation, to please themselves.