User:Theo/Sandbox

Articles To Create

• Job <-- replace current work-related article with long convoluted biblical reference. Yay Jesus.
• Rapeshield <-- condoms for rapists.. if Olipro never gets around to writing it.. was originally his idea.
  • I'll get round to it... but in light of recent events, I don't think it's currently the time to be doing it --Olipro Anchor KUN (Harass) 03:58, 29 October 2006 (UTC)

Try to tie in Canadian Rapeshield laws in an intelligent parody, even though few will appreciate it.. so also try to make it comprehensible for the masses.

• Nineteen Eighty-Four, my own version, because I'm a nazi like that.

RapeShield

"Rapeshield - Because Prevention is better than Cure."

Rape is a very dangerous thing in these modern times; as we very well know with all the diseases floationg around, if you do not take precautionary measures then you could end up finding yourself in serious trouble, and who knows what you might pick up from just a single enounter... Well not any more; introducing RapeShield! Its patented rubber-made system protects you continuously without fail, it's just what you've been looking for!

You'll Wish You Had!

Here are some horror stories from people who didn't use RapeShield, and came forward to protect others with their tales. We call them, the "You'll Wish You Had!" stories. Please sit down before reading, as some of it may be emotionally charged.

Patty Ann Kenley

I had never made use of RapeShield's products before, and I thought nothing of it. I thought to myself, "why would I ever need such a thing?"

However, all of that changed when I stood in court facing the person who I had only seen once before in a dark alley on Saturday night. I could hardly breath, or swallow. My throat ran dry, and I thought, "how could I have let this happen?"

I'll never go walking alone at night without RapeShield again. Protection is one of the greatest things to have when you spend a lot of time in dangerous parts of town.

An Unnamed Congressman

As a congressman, I have a lot of communication with many different people. As a result of this, I engaged in correspondence with a young man I didn't know, and began to have romantic feelings towards them. We had many intimate conversations, and I intended to meet them, and eventually did. The problem was that I had never heard of RapeShield, and didn't think of my own safety enough! I was left without adequate protection, and the problems that resulted caused me to lose my job, my dignity, and the respect of my colleagues. I'll never be so careless as to take a risk like that without RapeShield, ever again!

Pregnancy

What happens after that one adrenaline pumping night, where you're screaming your heart out is over?

The many stressful hazards can be overbearing, and one large issue is that of pregnancy. There, there's a child in a making now. What do you do? For many, abortion isn't an option of moral grounds, and it certainly isn't an option legally in many countries around the world! Protecting yourself from just this sort of situation is one of the most important things you can do. With RapeShield, you can be assured that you won't ever have to worry about a child you didn't plan for complicating the matters! Your children should know who both their parents are, and with RapeShield, you can be assured that only that special someone is taking part in that most joyeous of events!

Other Great Products

• Now introducing RapeShield paper towels! As long as you carry these, you won't have any messy encounters! Just wipe where you need to, and rest assured, you'll be clean!

• Also from RapeShield, the LockJaw! The LockJaw employs modern technology to lock the jaw in place preventing it from being used in a way other than you intend! It comes standard with all the equipment needed to set it in place, and not only that, it operates using a remote control so you don't have to control it manually!

• Are you ever worried about the risk of sodomy? Well, thanks to the BumRite, you'll never have to worry about that again! Using patented space-age technology, it locks firmly in place to prevent any painful actions from being taken. You'll be safe from pain with this baby employed where it's important!

• RapeShield finally introduces a great product for your safety! RapeShield Chlorophorm is now available for those who are worried about being hit or physically attacked in those dark alleys as you're trying to get to work! Purchase now, and receive a two-pack of RapeShield paper towels, as our gift to you! If they get violent, just slap a paper-towel full of our chlorophorm on their mouth, and you'll be safe from further abuse!

Ideas

<Olipro> then we gradually break them in
<Olipro> with off-key statements
<Olipro> that don't quite make sense
<Olipro> like
<Olipro> "do you find yourself continually having to be checked for STI's"?
<Olipro> "is the thought of meeting the person in court because of a DNA match preying on your mind?"
<Olipro> well look no further...

2.

<Olipro> TheoB: "order now, and we'll send you a free box of extra-lubricated deflowering condoms, absolutely FREE!"

3.

<TheoB> hmm
<TheoB> the transition to being more obvious may be difficult
<Olipro> and nasal filters!
<Olipro> no
<TheoB> I think we should NEVER openly declare what they are for
<Olipro> I have plans for that theo
<TheoB> just hint enough that when people figure it out, they can read it a second time for a good laugh?
<Olipro> leave that with me
<TheoB> okay
<TheoB> make sure you don't forget

4.

<Olipro> a device you deploy in a woman's mouth to stop her closing her jaw
<Olipro> a side-advert for NECROGUARD
<Olipro> just a little one

5. (images)

<Olipro> a woman fighting off a man etc...
<TheoB> I think maybe a man standing confident in an alley might be good