User:The Satire Vampire

Hello. As you may have gathered from my username, I am a vampire but unlike other, more renowned servants of the Dread Ruler of the Night, I do not get my sustenance from blood but rather from witty humor. I have seen signs of that here and I think that this would make a good place for me to take sanctuary for a time. Here are a few random details that you doubtless want to know:

-I am terribly afraid of both pirates and ninjas.

-I also am no match for mobsters although I can handle both gangsters, skilled, semi-professional criminals, and gangstas, drugged-up rapper wannabes who couldn’t even take on Christopher Reeves, let alone the police.

-Contrary to popular belief, only the Grand Fiend, his Countess, and his Inner Circle feast on blood. Personally, I imagine humor tastes a lot better anyway. I just feel for my brothers, the Tire Vampire and the Barbed Wire Vampire. How repulsive their meals must be.

-Until I can save up for a posh castle in Transylvania, I'll be enjoying Uncyclopedia from my apartment in Pennsylvania.

If you have any advice, about my user page or otherwise, or anything else to say, please feel free to use my talk page.