User:The Big Bad Oyster/Airplanes
“Can I sit inside the Black Box?”
“In Soviet Russia, Airplane flies in YOU!!”
The History
Ever since the dawn of time, people looked to the skies wondering "How the hell do I catch those damn birds?"
The answer was found in 1913 with the advent of the space shuttle as you all know.
The airplane, however started off as a joint business venture between Microsoft and Satan back in 1987 as a more effecient way to transport human souls. With the unravelling of their dealings back in 1996 (Satan claimed Gates was being too profit-oreinted), airline travel became unregulated.
How they work
Airplanes are based on the principle that "what goes up must come down." The idea being, of course, since an airplane takes off, it must also land. This works out perfectly, as people must get on/off "planes," as they're called for short.
The airplane acutally uses people power to keep afloat, based on harnessing the engery produced by the reaction of highly toxic "peanuts" with the stomach acid of passengers. Often, airlines will also offer carbonated beverages, as they catalzye the said reaction.
The Black Box
Made of hardened human skulls, the "black box" is the piece of equipment that records important flight data, such as how many times the toilet is flushed, and whether you stole that magazine from the seat pocket in front of you.
The black box ALWAYS survives plane crashes, so the gremlins that live inside it can claim all the luggage of the deceased. It's a lucrative business that's lovingly called "The (Luggage) Strap Market" by tycoons such as Willie Nelson.
Airplanes: Not Just for Flying Anymore
Although airplanes are most commonly used for transportation, they have many other valuable uses in today's world.
Airplanes can be used
- As neat "pads" to impress the ladies
- To season french fries
- As scrap to fabricate Flux Capacitors
- For killing Grues
- To train your dog
- For financial consunltant services
Airplanes are SO multifunctional that they have even been suggested as replacements for the Swiss Army Knives carried by none other than the French Navy.
Airplanes of The Future
In the Future, airplanes may very well become an integral part of everyone's lives as both butlers and "friends with privleges".
We can only hope that the next generation of planes from Airbus and Boeing will be willing to provide "first-class services" to all of us.
The Big Bad Oyster 03:23, 15 August 2006 (UTC)