User:TheBestGuest
Uncyclopedia Notice: WARNING! This article is continuing another's story. If you hate these or aren't interested in the slightest bit then turn back NOW. (Also, this article is horrid beyond repair. Just... just... turn back... now...)
| Jay Best | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Kingdom | Animalia |
| Phylum | UnChordinata |
| Class | Avalonia |
| Order | Shorter |
| Family | Turdae |
| Genus | Tardus |
| Species | T. revor |
| Binomial name | |
| Tardus revor | |
| Specifications | |
| Primary armament | Water Gun |
| Secondary armament | Volvo |
| Power supply | Black |
| Health | 1001 |
| Mana | 2 |
| Strength | Werewolf Ablities |
| Intelligence | E |
| Weight | 110 lbs. |
| Length | >1 m. |
| Special attack | Marañon |
| Conservation status | |
| UnConcerned | |
The Story in a Nutshell[edit | edit source]
Continuing the article, that tells of a day in the life of our good judge, Judge Good, comes another "day in the life of..." but this time... it's personal.
The Story Begins[edit | edit source]
Hello. My name is Jay Guest. My occupation: Criminal defense attorney - or as others would put it - A lawyer. Place of Occupation: Santa Barbara Superior. Straight up. No one would ever say it was an easy job, but with my good buddy, Good, one could say it's very interesting, and that's not saying the half of it. (Actually it is the half of it, I'm just working on a new catchphrase)
The Car[edit | edit source]
I drive an old Volvo 850, some would say in honor of my judge friend, but it's mostly for decoration. I reside in Santa Barbara and live a peaceful life. Some might say, too peaceful...
The Job[edit | edit source]
One day I got a call from an old friend, an old client, "Glasses" McKenzie. He told me of a young boy wrongly charged of murder doing time in the pen. My new job was fully realized.
The Guy[edit | edit source]
The Guy: Marty Lynch. Brother of Gus Lynch, from my first trial. At first I scoffed, then I got down to business. I researched Martin and found that he was accused but not convicted of a double-murder in past years, as well as the son of Roller-coaster Tycoon, Norm Lynch. I collaborated with my friend "Glasses" and looked through the evidence. The whole thing reminded me of my first case of Martin's brother, Gus.
The Wife[edit | edit source]
My smokin' wife, or First Lady, as the infobox sez, Marisa, claimed that Martin was guilty for this case even though everything proves otherwise. I didn't listen to the noise.
The Problem[edit | edit source]
That same night, I went home. Just when I was about to get it on with Marisa, a robber broke in, revealed to be Martin. This is where poorly written dialogue, interlaced with narrative to continue the story, ensues...
The Rest of the Story[edit | edit source]
"I killed that man... killed him in cold blood..." said Martin. I was shocked at the fact that he would interrupt me while my pants were down, though I admired his style. Before Glasses was killed, he left a message on my phone of a secret way to win the case. Though, In a callback to my second case of Chan v. Burma, he used the phrase "Black Racket," which was code for foreign relations, meaning, we were dealing with something much bigger than a private matter.
The Verdict[edit | edit source]
The trial was to begin at 10:00 AM, Friday Morning. With Judge Good presiding and a new attorney, Attorney Johnson. The first witness called to the stand was Kid Rock, who claimed that he tipped off the guy at a bar just a few minutes before a concert. The second was George Michael and he of course, had nothing to say. It was then I realized that all of my witnesses had been musicians and I was a little pissed off, mainly because of movie rights, etc. The most comedic part of all this crap was Judge Good's attitude towards it. I'll never forget the day that he nearly pulled out his impractical, yet portable, STA Missile Unit, to unload on Elton John... Aw, those were the days...
The Case[edit | edit source]
As the case intensified, I was getting more or less bored of the witnesses, Samuel Adams and Jack Daniels had took their turns as well as more witnesses. A juror from the past, Bangel, had let a few big ones as the case finally came to a close. "The jury has reached a verdict." Sweat rolled down my legs as Sheiriff Goodman gave me a wink. "Incredibly, Stupidifyingly, Ridiculously, Ludicrously, Terrifyingly, Satisfyingly, Oddly, Totally, NOT GUILTY!" I let go of my breath in relief.
The End[edit | edit source]
As the case was closed and I pondered movie rights, I wondered, "what was the point of this article?"