User:Tctarheel256/Bad Ass Mother Fuckers

Bad ass mother fuckers, or "Bamfs," are a rare and ancient form of life that can be found only in the United States, because, as everyone knows, it is God's favorite country. (When God plays with his GI Joes, he's always on the American side.) They must be men becuase women cannot have a strong personality/will/pair of testicles. Though not always the nicest people, Bamfs are envied by all who consider themselves respectable, manly men.

7 Habits of Highly Effective BAMF's

1. Eating red meat (This significantly increases the number of hit points a bamf has.)

2. Starting unneccessary wars (especially for oil)

3. Having butt sex (Though commonly attributed as a "gay" practice, butt sex was actually invented by two bamfs, Richard "I Love Dick" Chenney and Donald Rumsfeld, who did not want to risk damaging their manlinesses by breathing in the presence of women but still needed an outlet for their sexual desires.)

4. Fucking their mothers (obviously)

5. Collecting gypsy tears (a clean, renewable source of energy)

6. Running for governor of California (and winning)

7. Breaking peoples fingers/Round-house kicking people in the face/Huffing other people/Insert other trademark violent action from some hero/villian/animal/ALL RIGHT ENOUGH WITH THE /'s!

List of Bamfs

1. Stephen Hawking
2. Jack Bauer
3. Das Führer of California
4. The artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince (at basketball)
5. Alec Baldwin
6. Gary Busey
7. Chuck Norris
8. CATS (because all your base are belong to him)
9. Vin Diesel
10. All Incarnations/Portrayls/Actors/Amateur Porn Stars who portrayed James Bond