User:Squidlord

This is me terrifying pitiful humans.

Go to UN:AAN for adoption

(don't think i'll try that hard)

I am squidlord. bow to me mortals as I am the master of all things strange and squiddy. which means I am the master of Cthulhu and I can make him eat your soul. I am also the only 1337 n00b, which is a contradiction that tears holes in time. HOLES IN TIME. I enjoy Wii, eating people, water, salt, and deliciousness. I also believe that pirates are better than ninjas, because they taste so good in pies and quiches.

If you have any suggestions about my unfinished articles, please post them on my talk page

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Game:Game_Online/LasVegas/randomportal

unfinished article #1

“OOOOWWWWW”

~ Oscar Wilde on his affair with blendertron.

“I am blendertron. Prepare to be blended. beep beep beep”

~ blendertron on self

this is the blendertron. ALL FEAR THE BLENDERTRON.

Blendertron was a robotic blender warrior invented jointly by the Canadian government and Oscar Wilde. An affair with the robot resulted accidently in the crucial loss of some of Wilde's body parts.It was designed to scoop up enemy solders, blend them, and then spit them out as a glob of goo. It could also make a very handy heavy duty smoothy maker, especially if the smoothies were blood flavored.

The early days

Blendertron started its life as a prototype in a factory, where it had very few friends and little in the way of things to blend. It was a hard life, and its childhood was rough. It would constantly be put to tests and made to run, as well as lift weights with his only arm. Blending was all it had, and this started its addiction. On March 6th 1981, blendertron escaped into the wilderness. unfortunately instead of going north, to the all smoothies all the time district, it went south, to the bad part of town, where it was used to blend pot into hash. As a result Blendertron got high, and I mean really high. You have to remember it blended tons and tons of devil's parsley every day. Imagine drinking enough mary-jane juice to fill an oil barrel. Ya, thats kind of what it was like. One day, Blendertron go really high, and wandered through the streets, where it was captured by Oscar Wilde, one of its creators. Oscar wilde took Blendertron back to his home, where he was used to mix giant margaritas for strange men in banana hammocks that showed up suspiciously often. One day, Oscar asked blendertron back into his bedroom. Blendertron was a little suspicious, but eventually came into the room, where Oscar Wilde then began... elicit practices. Needless to say, blendertron turned on its blender immediately, and that is why Oscar Wilde has no children.

Rise to power

Blendertron eventually grew into a hulking 20 foot tall monster blender, and it realized that it didn't really need to live life as a margarita machine. He had gotten a job in a bar at the time, so he gave in his two weeks notice, and started running in the exciting field of American Politics, the perfect career for a bloodthirsty heartless robot. It soon became the senator of Hawaii, partly because of its affinity and talent for making dry margaritas and other tropical drinks. After 30 successful years jumping between state and federal government, it found that the time was right to try its claw at the presidency. It won in a landslide against Microwavetron, and became the most powerfull kitchen appliance on earth.

Tyrannical reign

Being a maniacal death machine, Blendertron did not feel the need to stay President. It wanted more. It wanted to be Dictator, so it stole the little boxy thing that the nuclear launch codes are kept in, and threagtened the american people to make it their supreme master. They agreed, and Blendertron began his rampage. It was chaos in the streets as Blendetron made many many flesh flavored smoothies and slushies, then it cloned the people it killed and killed them again. As a result the total death toll was three trillion people, more than the total population of earth at the time. Three days after it took the throne, Blendetron got bored with his newfound power and found it was time to retire.

Later life

Blendertron is currently at the Sunshine palms retirement home in southern Florida where it enjoys shuffleboard and other things that old people enjoy. It is considered to be a hero there, because it helps to grant the wishes of old people... by killing them.

unfinished article #2 Howto:use the force

The Big Book o da force is the jedi holy book. It was from this book, created at the begining of time, that all knowledge that we know about the force has come from. Unfortunately the Big Book o 'da force is really well... big, so big in fact that to read it would take ten million years, or roughly half the lifetime of Oscar Wilde. luckily I have condensed this book down to an easy how to article.

The force: and introdution

this is a medichlorian, about to eat your insides.

The force is an energy that pulses through all living things accept John McCain (although it is doubtfull that he is a living thing anyway). It acts through tiny organisms called medichlorians, or pwnzors, that tell us the will of the force using their tiny megaphones. if you listen very closely you may hear your very own medichlorians saying something like, "Stop right there. She's a dude," or "Don't click this link." The force can also be used for offensive, and defensive purposes. for instance, the jedi mind trick has been used many times by Barack Obama. How else could he get countless weak minded people to back plans and believe comments that could not possibly work or be true? Contrary to popular belief, there are three sides to the force, the light side, the dark side, and the completely insane beyond any sense of morality side.

The Light Side

This is the side that is associated with good and order. It is not to be confused with force light, a low fat version of the force. The light side of the force, if used correctly, can be a powerful weapon. If used incorrectly, which is the way you will probably use it, it will cause you to be pwned by a Sith lord or anyone armed with so much as a salad fork. In order to use the light side, clear your head of all emotion, and focus on what you want accomplished. Here are some light force powers and how to use them without asploding.

Force blind

this force power calls up a blinding array of light similar to the brilliancy of the light glinting off of Patrick Stewart's head. This light blinds anyone around and completely fries a droid's optical circuitry. to use this power, clear your mind of all emotion, and imagine Patrick Stewart's forehead.

Force squid

This is arguably one of the more powerfull light-side force powers. it allows you to summon a celestial squid, a testament to all that is pure in the universe. the squid then eats your apponent, end of story. To use this power, clear your mind and imagine a giant squiddy symbol of virtue vanquishing your enemies.

Future Sight

This power allows the Jedi to see into the future. With the future unclouded by darkness, the medichlorians use their tiny time binoculars to see what will happen within the next few years or so, and then they tell their hosts, who generally make the prophecy come true, kill all of their friends, burn up in a river of lava, and begin a tyrannical reign in the galaxy for 20 years until they save their son's life and die in the process. To use this power (if you still want to knowing the consequences) Just clear your mind to the possiblities of what is yet to come (do you really want to know.)

Talking funny

Easy to use this force power is. reversing the subjects and verbs all need you to do is. weather this a force power or not, still to be determined is.

The Dark Side

The dark side is most often associated with evil, and chaos. The dark side of the force is infinitely more fun to use and easier to project than the light side, but it is also more likely to take control of the user. famous users of the dark side include, Oscar Wilde, Bill Clinton (to get interns to bone him), Barack Obama, and emos. To use the dark side, you must channel your emotions, and use your anger to make yourself stronger.

Force Lightning

This is a force power that has been used many times over the years. it causes little beams of electricity to fly from your fingers and fry others. famous users of this power include the Emperor, and Picachu.

Force Moose

One of the more powerfull force moves, Force Moose summons the embodiment of anger and evil, the celestial moose. It destroys all in its path, and is hard to control, but used properly it can bring your foes to their moosey fate. to use this power, summon up your anger and think of the celestial moose destroying your enemies.

Force Rape

If you want someone raped, but don't want to do it yourself, force rape is the perfect force power for you. It summons Mike Tyson, who clearly is a rapist but is probably also bisexual, to do the dirty work for you, and for extra kick, he is dressed in a clown costume. Enjoy.

Force Vibrate

Not to be confused with Force Vibrator, force vibrate posesses the enemy with the spirit of Catherine Hepburn, making them shake quite a bit. To use this power simply think of parkinson's disease.

Powers that can be used by both sides

Some force powers are not limited merely to the light side or the dark side of the force. Many can be used by both Sith and Jedi. Here are some examples.

force choke

This power closes the trachea and suffocates the victim. It was used many times by Darth Vader to pwn n00bs such as Padme Amadala, Admiral Tarkin, and Stephen Hawking (that is why he can't talk, not that lame ass degenarative disease crap).

Jedi mind trick

Though invented by the Jedi, it can also be used by the Sith, and has been used by such diabolical Sith lords as Emperor Palpatine, Darth Hitler, and Barack Obama. To use this power, try to put the idea in the mind of the victim. If that doesn't work, hit the victim over the head with a stick, and yell at him.

unfinished article #3: Please don't huff this page

“This page should not be huffed. It is a credit to Uncyclopedia and should be left alone.”

~ Oscar Wilde on this page

Why would you huff this page, it is a really good page I would give so much money to have this page on my wiki if I had one. I mean really. It's such a good page. Plus the page does not want you to huff it. it is scared and lonely and is worried that you might get high off of it.

reasons you shouldn't huff this page

• oscar wilde does not want you to huff this page. As God of Uncyclopedia, he demands that you leave this page be
• Why would you huff this page when there are so many other worse pages that you could huff, for instance why haven't you huffed that page on moss yet. That page is horrible
• Grues love this article. If you delete the article a grue will hunt you down and eat you.
• This article has in jokes, and therefore is protected from huffing.
• huffing pages causes brain damage, which you most likely have enough of.

things I will be forced to do should you huff this page

• I will take over uncyclopedia using an army of killer robots.
• I will perform a voodoo curse to make you turn into a chicken.