UnBooks:Space Jew-hunting
"Preparing final sequence," said the computer. "Funf ... Vier ... Drei ... Zwei ... Eins ..."
"Initiate full planet destruction ... authorization Captain McMittens code hotSTUD Six Nine Six Nine," I said.
"Jawohl Captain McMittens," said my cadet.
Bargles, my pet Labrador who is always on the bridge while I'm there, said "woof woof."
"Yes that's true, Bargles," I said.
Everyone laughed ... even though my jokes are way funnier.
The giant planet destructo-beam went from limp appendage sticking out of the body of the space-ship to fully engorged. It extended a dozen meters upwards into a stiff weapon ready to fire. The weapon throbbed and, rigorously jolting to the left then right, released its projectile. The power of the laser-beam sucked out all the juice from the hottest deepest pits of the ship. It didn't actually destroy the planet ... only an asshole would believe that's even possible. The Gestapo-beam merely sets off a chain reaction in the core of a planet that turns the green flourishing surface into hot steaming magma.
Chapter 1
One by one the continents exploded, oceans boiled into the air and the last shred of biological life singed out of existence. I could see the dead body counter rolling onwards into the eight digits, which made my penis quiver with delight.
I sat back in my chair feeling calm and relaxed. My toes tingled.
"Would the captain like a cigarette?" asked my cadet.
"That would be lovely." I snapped my finger. "Slave girl number 1," I said, and she lit me a cigarette and put it in my mouth between my strong German lips. "It was a long day and my uniform is utterly impregnated with my man sweat. After I've passed out, sponge-bathe me and change my clothes. Keep my underwear over your face and sniff it deeply once an hour," I said. This encourages familiarity and loyalty amongst my sex slaves.
After drilling a hole into the planet and loading it up with plasma, I felt very sleepy. I ordered the ship to set course for the next planet. I then inserted a grain of tundra into my pee-hole (an uber-addictive depressant that works best when shoved up a urethra). It helps extend my erogenous pleasure after planet-destroying and genocide. It also helps me sleep for days. Travelling from one planet to another while Jew-hunting is tedious and tiresome ... even when you have Zarg-Zarg love slaves with multiple vaginas.
My dreams were pleasant. I dreamt of ancient Earth. When our forefathers were still conquering the world, blasting the Brits off their island, burning Negros and Asians, completing the master plan and final solution of the Aryan race. In my dream I was eating an ice-cream cone while watching the Panzer Division roll over Pakistani skulls. It was a sweet wet dream.
You see a ship of the Earth's last dozen filthy Jews escaped just before the project was complete. To my eternal shame it was my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather who let them get away. He and then the entire Merkel family were shamed and that dishonour passed on down to my generation. Such needless loss. Such pain the Merkels suffer. The agony of having failed the Fuhrer. I will take out the galactic trash. My ship is a Jew garbage truck only there is no landfill.
I pretend my sex slaves are one of the under-races. That way I can destroy their orifices with my giant Nazi-penis without contaminating my Aryan sausage with putrefying Jew-vaginas. My sex slaves were getting pregnant so often so I had the doctor perform an abortion on them every day whether they are pregnant or not. Even though I have their tubes tied the moment I buy them ... one simply never knows what might happen. Sex slave deviousness knows no bounds and is very similar to the inner working of the Zionist-brain. If they want to get pregnant and have my ubermensch babies (and they all do) they will find a way.
My swastika armband had fallen off while I was sleeping. Two hundred years and you would think they would have found a way to make armbands more practical. Zheesh! I rolled it up knowing it was just going to fall back down.
Chapter 2
"Scan the planet and the bases for Jew radiation."
The blond-haired and blue-eyed ensign complied. "None detected," he said disjointedly.
"I can smell their presence. They are here. And I'm sure they have taught these devious aliens their back-stabbing ways. Defences?"
The blue-eyed and blond-haired cadet pushed some buttons. "Nothing we can't handle," she said with a sexy smirk.
"Good. Destroy the city with the most innocent civilians." I sat back in my chair. My dick was so hard I could barely contain it. My testicles were so swollen I had to release a notch on my belt to reduce the swelling.
The cadet blew up the largest metropolis. It was arousing. We were immediately contacted by their leader.
"Earth ship. We have detected that some energy coming from your ship may have accidentally landed on our capital. It seems to be destroyed. Is everything alright? Perhaps your ship is damaged? Can we offer assistance?" said their leader.
"Sounds like sneaky Jew-talk to me." I said to the crew. "No. We destroyed it," I told the creature, "and unless you hand us all the Jews, and half-Jews and quarter-Jews and even the watered down Jews I will destroy every last one of you." There was pre-cum leaking out of my cock.
"You destroyed the city on purpose? But why? We do not know what you mean by Jew. Is that a currency? A resource? A gem stone?"
"You see," I said to the crew. "They are obsessed with money and valuables. Total Jew-collaborators. Prepare the weapon!" I looked at their puny leader. "I have no time for your games. You have one minute to hand over the vermin or you will find yourselves in a very sticky situation." I could barely contain my hormones. I was grunting. I could tell the crew on the ship were also squirming in their seats with ecstasy.
"We would be happy to hand them over if we knew what a Jew was. But we don't have any. Perhaps we could make some other arrangement. We have lots of gold. And Galactic-Deutsch-marks. And inter-stellar-bonds. Perhaps some artwork from the Garb-Garb empire," the leader said, clearly sweating out of panic. Hitler would be screaming beautiful obscenities if he were alive to see this. "I know the location of a special bank vault on the moon of a nearby system which has contents which are certainly more valuable than these Jews you are searching for. Call off that weapon you seem to be powering up and I'll tell you were it is."
"You have ten seconds to hand them over," I said, convulsing in pleasurable tension.
"Wait. Wait," it said.
I held up my hand to pause the weapon's launch.
"The Jews are hiding in a bunker under my palace ... we will hand them over," it said.
"How many?" I asked.
"A few hundred," it said.
"You see," I said to my crew, "they multiply at the speed of light, like cockroaches." They had left earth in a ship of a hundred and now there were tens of thousands all over the galaxy. I stared at the leader in silence for half a minute ... he was sweating. "I've been through this narrative before, alien." A German always does his job promptly, efficiently, correctly and finishes it. The weapon spewed its energy load into a rather large volcano. By the time it was over my Nazi-trousers we were utterly soaking in my semen. Tons of Nazi-semen running down my legs. I knew it would make a great snack for my sex slave. So I saved it just for her.
Chapter 3
Bargles was sick and I visited him in the sick bay. He was doing some fascinating experiments on my retired and crippled sex slaves.
"How is Bargles?" I asked.
"Well ... he's going to need a liver replacement."
"Oh?"
"Seems the tundra you've given him has worn his organs down."
"Is he suffering?"
"Yes a lot."
"Well give him something."
"I've already given him an ibuprofen and some water."
"What? Give him some morphine!" I demanded.
"I would but the stuff is just so addictive," he said.
I rolled my eyes.
"Bargles has an extremely addictive compulsive personality ... much like his owner," said the doctor. I smirked at him.
"Can't you freeze him?"
"I cannot operate on him if he's frozen. I'm an evil doctor ... not a magician."
"I don't want him feeling pain. Find a way to stop it," I demanded. The idea of Puddles suffering made me so sad my penis was as flaccid as it had been in weeks. I went to my room and I cried like a baby into my love slave's breast and then I bit her nipples off and swallowed them. She was of no use to me any more so I sent her to sick bay.
We were on the tail of a Jew ship. One that was so slick and slippery it was made out of the shell of a giant worm and covered with vegetable oil. We followed them by searching for moons and asteroids with grease stains. We caught up with it. I shouldn't have hailed them. Somehow they communicated by sending us a screeching wailing sound in the form of the brown note. By the time we got a hold of ourselves they were long gone. It took our sex slaves hours to eat up the chocolatey mess. I was at my lowest point ever.
To lift my spirits I spent the night with my Zarg-Zarg sex slaves. After shoving 20 Ecstasy pills into my pee-hole I commanded my sex slaves to stand in a row. I took everything off except my Nazi-boots (and of course my armband). What, after all, is a Merkel without a swastika forever attached to his arm? Nazi-boots are special you see. They are steel-tipped and are indestructible. If my ship was destroyed (as it eventually was) you can be sure that my Nazi-boots and swastika armbands would be floating in the debris unharmed. I proceeded to kick my love slaves in the vagina as hard as I could. They all collapsed on the floor in terrible pain. One died on the spot. The others were crying. I then pissed on them showering their faces with my Aryan piss. "What do you say?" I asked them.
"Thank you sir. May I please have some more?"
"The boots or my Aryan juice?" I asked them.
"Both, sir," said my number one. I then kicked them in their anuses so hard I gave two of them concussions. I was all out of piss so I decided to flatulate directly into their mouths. Only one of them vomited. I trained them on their gag reflex but they were known to disappoint.
"Thank you sir ... can I please have some more?" said my number one.
"As you like," I said, and then I kicked them as hard I as could in the pee-hole. Only my number 1 survived. I could always count on number 1. I had the Nazi-German shepherds feed on their slave bodies and then we ejected their bones into space. "I cannot function with only one slut in my quarters. Let's go to the nearest Lunar base and get some more Zarg-zargs," I suggested.
My cadet hesitated. "Do you want to do that now, sir?" she asked.
"Unless you would prefer to fill their role in the mean-time."
She thought for the moment. I knew she lusted after my chunky German dragon. But she could never handle my boots and she knew it.
"Setting course for the Lulz-Lulz lunar base."
Luck would have it that when we arrived at Lulz-Lulz-Lunar base the Jew ship was stocking up on their gold reserves and diamond fuel. We hid behind the moon and waited for them to pull out of the station. Once they did we approached them ignoring their hails. No brown notes this time. We released the vapour weapon.
Quickly a concentration of cyanide and hydrogen was sprayed all around the shell of the ship. As it was the organic carcass of a worm it quickly disintegrated and the Jews were left to freeze in open space. We then used the mega blow-torch and incinerated the remains. "Make sure there is not a single organic Jew-molecule left!" I commanded and then I transported over to the lunar base. I bought twenty Zarg-Zarg slaves and a Norf-norf pleasure girl. They are not cheap ... the ones who haven't started their period yet are the more expensive but their reputation precedes them. We set off for the next planet and I spent the night properly breaking them in. The Zarg-Zargs were predictably fragile. However the Norf-norf was extremely resilient and a pleasure to sodomise. I had to use all my strength and ingenuity to properly demean her. And yet for the first time in my life I was tired out before I could feel satisfied. I was in love with this Norf-norf.
Chapter 4
It was a very long trip to the next planet, far away and hidden in the deep shadows and cobwebs of the galaxy. The perfect nest for Jew refugees. My former number one sex slave got jealous and challenged my new number one to a death fight. It was just the kind of entertainment we needed to make a long voyage pass quickly. The death fight lasted ten days and could not have been more fantastic. The two would fight and cut each other up and then take turns fucking each other with butcher knives. Things got so out of hand that everyone on the ship was fucking everyone else with kitchen utensils. That's how I lost my left testicle. In the end the Norf-norf won. I had the Zarg-Zarg's breast removed and attached to the Norf-norf. I was the first space-Nazi to have a four breasted sex slave and I made sure everyone in the galaxy knew it.
During the whole death match Puddles had overdosed on alcohol and tundra. I went to the sick bay and was delivered some pretty sad news.
"I don't think Bargles will make the night," the doctor told me.
Tears rolled down my eyes. "There's nothing you can do?"
"I'm all out of livers to transplant him, and at two years old he's a grandpa for a hard-drinking British pit-bull.
"He has had a good run."
"And after all the tundra he's taken his penis will never work again."
"Is he in any pain?" I asked.
"Yes ... a lot."
"Then give him some morphine."
"Well ... morphine is a really addictive drug," he said.
I stared at the doctor for thirty seconds. He gave Bargles some morphine and I went to my room.
Saddened by Bargles' demise I was unable to sodomise anyone that night so I ordered my crew to sodomise my sex slaves in front of me. They did a pretty bad job and half-way through I threatened to throw everyone out the airlock if they didn't fuck off.
Puddles died that night. We had a state funeral for him. I wrapped him in a swastika flag and we shot him out a torpedo tube. Something went wrong during the firing sequence and Bargles was barbecued before he could be launched. These things always happened to hard-working good-natured well-intentioned Jew hunters like myself.
Chapter 5
"We have their leader waiting," the cadet informed me.
"Put him on the main viewer."
"Hello Earthling. How can we help you?"
"Well ... I was hoping you could help us. We've come for your Zionist plague."
"You mean the Jews. You've come to take them off our hands?"
"You have them?"
"God do we ever. We've been trying to track down these little fuckers for days. Sneaky critters I'll tell you that!" said the Blorb-blorb.
"Yes. We have special tools that should help us."
"Great. Why don't you send them down and we'll send you the Jews we've captured?"
"No bother ... just dispose of them."
"Oh we have. I thought I'd send a cache of their ashes so you could piss on them."
I was enchanted by the man's charm. "What a splendid idea. Why don't I come down there and we can piss on them together."
"Great idea. I heard that you have a four-breasted sex slave as well. Why don't you bring her down as well?" he suggested.
"Just as long as you keep your hands off," I said half-jokingly.
"Well that won't be hard," he said. He raised his appendages and they turned out to be tentacles. Oh did we laugh. "Why don't you all come down? You can help us track down the last of the space-Jews and we can defecate on their skulls."
"It's been a while since we've had a proper land chase. Sounds like a total blast." My fellow compatriots liked the idea of playing cat and mouse. I left the Doctor in charge and we headed down in the Gestapo-shuttle.
Their planet was nice. Total social order, a purity of race and the smell of vagina everywhere. Their food tasted like sweet 16-year-old poon and the air smelt like Marilyn Monroe's first period. The water had a tart, bloody taste to it. Their leader invited us into his palace and allowed us a chance to relax. After some heavy drinking we sat nude in a hot-tub with cigars and we stuck tundra up our pee holes while the bubble jet massaged our anuses. I think I came into the water five times but I didn't tell anyone. It aroused me deeply that everyone was floating around in traces of my semen. The very idea of it made me cum again. I almost passed out from the heat, the smell of vagina in the air, the tundra, little noodles of my semen bubbling about and the extra-heavy gravity on the planet.
I woke up with a major hangover. In the morning we spent some extra time on our appearance before breakfast. No blond-haired German looks good without a great coiffure and ex-foliated hands. We shaved each other's chests and asses and then donned ourselves with our glorious Nazi armbands and our powerful steel-toed boots. And then there were all those Nazi straps and belts and badges and pins and overcoats and Hitler sunglasses that made us smoking hot and awesome-mean badasses. That was the kind of entrance we were looking for.
We arrived and there was the leader next to the Zarg-zarg sex slave. What the fuck was she doing there?
"Good morning, Captain dipshit," she said. She then shot all my officers.
"That wasn't called for."
"And we shot down your ship. Your doctor slowly melted inside from the heat."
"Bitch."
"And you cannot imagine what we have in store for you."
"I knew this place was too good to be true. The sneakiest Jew-collaborators are the most devious of all."
"No. You don't understand," said the leader. "We are all half-Jewish," she explained.
"The whole planet?"
"Yeah. As you know Jews breed like rabbits."
"I figured that out years ago. But why does the planet smell like pussy?"
"We're half Jewish but also half Zarg-Zarg."
"Oh?" I asked.
"And Zarg-Zarg women have twenty vaginas on each leg and arm."
"That would explain it. You know that in my penis is a cyanide pill, which I can activate whenever I want."
"Yes. We took it out while you were sleeping," said the Zarg-zarg.
"Bitch."
"You cannot begin to imagine the pain you will suffer."
Her words gave me an instant erection. "Tell me more."
"And when we are done with you we will hunt down every Gestapo-ship and destroy Earth."
"But you'll also destroy your Zionist homeland," I said.
"Yeah ... but what's the point of occupying it when there aren't any more Muslims around to piss off?"
"I see your point. It's a pity you have to destroy Earth. It's such a nice place. Can't you just ... release some bio-weapon there and then make a half-Jew colony afterwards?"
They looked at each other for a moment. I could tell they were telepathically communicating. I always knew Jews were able to do it but this was the first time they did so openly.
"We will agree to do it on one condition," she said.
"Name it."
"You will deliver the bio-weapon."
This gave me the biggest erection I ever had in my life. The idea of murdering billions of people (even if they were my own) turned me on so hard I blew a load in my pants so big my zipper flew open and I splattered Captain McMitten spooge all over the walls, the carpets and in everyone's face.
"Deal."
Epilogue
Defence and aggression in space are so ridiculous. You can warp right up to the planets edge and no force-field can possibly stop you. You then jizz out your weapons and then warp right out. And even if they do catch you ... well, the damage is done and the planet is fucked. That's why space usually makes life peaceful and why terrorists are truly hunted the fuck down.
Earth-Nazis are too confident and weren't prepared for this possibility. Why would anyone in the galaxy except Jews want to destroy Earth anyways? And how could a ship full of lice-infected Jew-maggots get that kind of technology? And why would they want to destroy Zion?
Turns out we never planned for the possibility that they would half-breed with species who are even more genocidal than us Nazis. And least of all did I expect to piss one of them off by destroying her vagina and anus. Ooooooops.
They wouldn't give me any booze or tundra so I was suffering hardcore withdrawal. I almost died. They also took away all my badass-tough Nazi clothes and boots and made me wear a pink fuzzy jumpsuit with slippers. But the worst was taking away my armband. That was uncalled for. Some people are so vindictive, aren't they?
We were tearing through space and they strapped me into my chair. Just to make sure I hit the destroy button they stapled my finger to the console and pointed a ray-o-blatter to my temple. It's basically a gun that triggers a temporal nightmare. In the space of one second you experience a hundred years of torturous agony that gets worse and worse with every minute with no relief. Normally that would turn me on but I've seen people come out of it like raving lunatics ... as I've used it on so many sex slaves who wouldn't open their mouths and Jews before I exterminated them.
Getting close to Earth I felt woozy. Partly because the hangover, also the staple through my finger and bone fused to the control panel was making me bleed and also because this scenario was about the most erotic thing I could imagine. It's like I was about to meet the love of my life and I wasn't sure how she would treat me. Each approaching centi-lightyear turned me on more and more. My heart was beating with lust, my rectal muscles were trembling, my choda was on fire and I found it hard to breathe. There on Earth was an amazingly awesome race of highly-ordered, strong blooded, wonderfully intellectual, well-humoured and beautiful blue-eyed blond-haired Gods. And I was going to release a shower of nano-bots which would turn them all to grey goo in a matter of hours.
I reached total sexual overdrive and I came out of my ass I was so turned on. My nipples started leaking milk. My sweat was so filled with testosterone that the Zarg-Zargs had to turn on the air filter on the bridge.
"You are the vilest creatures in the galaxy," said my former sex slave.
"Worse than the brain sucking Blarg-blargs"?
"At least they don't take pleasure out of it."
"Tell me you aren't feeling a rush of Euphoria right now," I told her.
"I'm simply doing what has to be done," she said.
"I can smell your lust from here," I said. "Nothing will be the same after this. No man will ever satisfy you again after destroying your enemies on this scale."
"You've destroyed my vagina you fucker and you turned me off of sex for life. Don't think murdering all these people is pleasant. But you artards will never leave us alone until this is done. I don't like having to do this," she said.
"Why not pour some champagne?" I asked.
We had some champagne and toasted the end of Earth.
We arrived and I pushed the button releasing the nano-bots. They then transported me down to Earth and took off. So here I am ... writing down this story with my left hand while furiously jacking off with my other hand. They sent me to an Island with a view screen so I could watch the satellite views as all organic creatures were eaten from the inside out leaving a grey goo behind. The nano-bots will approach soon by sea and I'll be a goner. I feel no regret. There are still a couple of Nazi ships in space and they will restore my family honour. And if we don't then it's the galaxy's fault. If they want to be overrun by genetic-Jewness then they can have it. Heil Hitler.
