User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2011/John Lydon

Happy Monkey Competition Winter 2011

Pee reviews for: John Lydon

Article:

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Humo(u)r:	7/10	The article throughout has a funny tone, and a laughed at some references. Thousands of women were left hideously deformed was funny. "clues in the beatles album" and the yoko comment was also quite funny. PWTYSDWYSYD was for me the funniest element and an article should be made out of it. There was no LOL moment. However, I wans´t bored either and smiled throughout.
Creativity:	7/10	This is creative, I like how you follow the journalistic format throughout. You picked good objects to make fun of, though having chosen 4 music related items, it seems more top 5 hoaxes of 80s music if you see what I mean (minus the olympics). However, I have to hand it to you you did a good job building a little tension in each case and revealing the hoax/punchline in a different and creative way each time.
Images:	7/10	The images (except for the olympics one) were well chosen and placed. However, as you have images for 4 of the top 5, why not for the 5th? Its also great to see some chopping which I know with your creativity you could do. The caption on MTV made me laugh. Lennon in Laos is either unbelievable (cause there are buildings) or Ironic in which case you should put quotes around "Laos".
Prose, Formatting, Links:	4/5	Lots of links, great, I like that a lot in an article. Well written, good dividing and formatting. As for the prose, sometimes its better to stay away from "ahem" and such when making fun of a news article (as it seems more narrative than a news article) but thats my humble opinion.
Concept or whatever you want to put here:	4/5	Your concept is the strongest element in your article. It seems like a news article in both style as well as for little things like "our staff" etc. Its clearly a journalistic style review in a list element. Lists can go awry and you did a good job keeping it interesting throughout but probably the pest part was that it was somewhat informative. Spike would like that a lot. Where is the ending of the article though. A tiny summary might help and complete your concept) a parody of a top 5 list of things in the past.
Final Score:	29/40	I like the article and you did a good job in 24 hours. I think one can always find a funnier images in some cases (as it can be one of the greatest sources of parody) and variety. Just as a suggestion, if you continue with the article, that you make it top 5 hoaxes of 80s music and replace that with the carter one which was actualy the weakest and least funny in my humble opinion. I really hope you polish it and put it forward.
Comments:

Pee Review from: Wilytank

Humo(u)r:	7/10	Amusing enough. The best parts were the Moonwalk and the John Lennon part. This would have been an eight, but that hideous image in the Olympics section (see my note below) distracted me from totally taking it all in; so I must punish you for that.
Creativity:	8/10	Eight things in the eighties to make a hoax of. Yes music is a big part of the eighties. The huge ass pop explosion being the biggest of it. There's the distracting image in the Olympics part again, but seeing you chose something not music, I won't penalize you for this category.
Images:	6/10	Same opinion as Shabidoo, but my score is lower because I want to be more critical with the Olympic one. Any reason why you chose that image for that section? It seems out of place.
Prose, Formatting, Links:	3/5	Links are good, but there's a few problems with the spacing which I am unfortunately (for you) a bit of a stickler
Concept or whatever you want to put here:	3/5	At first, I was confused as to why this was an UnNews article, but I guess if it's a special edition of it... Though it could work equally as a mainspace article.
Final Score:	27/40	Space it out, attach the standard UnNews sources note at the bottem (firsthand in this case I guess), REPLACE THAT HIDEOUS IMAGE, and maybe leave a concluding note. Then it should be fine. I understand not having an image for #4. The page would look cluttered if it was there. I'm kinda disappointed that there was no Hollywood topics in this.
Comments: