User:Shabidoo/guide
No doubt you stumbled here completely by accident and you're probably wondering what am I still doing here? Why am I reading this beginners guide? It's because secretly you love this website and you want to pitch in. Clearly you can write way better articles than any of us, and clearly you should become an admin tomorrow and for sure you can choose the best articles to feature each day. I don't doubt you.
At Uncyclopedia, we never get enough of turning out utterly hilarious stuff, parodying things people take too seriously, even delivering some of life's most poignant messages while at the same time describing dinosaur sex or smoking cigarettes filled with stem cells. Uncyclopedians also like to feel like a part of the whole process, and if that sounds inviting, there's a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that can be just as interesting as writing, editing and pushing paper around.
Maybe an admin saw one of your edits and screamed at you throwing five thousand laws in your face. Don't pay attention to them, they are probably bored and have writer's block. But somewhere there they have a point. All writing can be improved, fixing stuff up gets easier with experience and knowing how to joke around on each other's talk pages is a skill you'll never learn...I assume you'll either jump in face first or stay far away from the weirdos here.
If you like writing, being funny, collaborating and turning out some good writing, you'll definitely benefit by reading a few packages of advice we have in the beginners guide as well as an overview of policy. And the advice doesn't just stop with writing guides, but we encourage and take part in constructive criticism all the time, as no one will bite your head off for mediocre writing, they may cut off your testicles and sell them to Asian herbalists, but definitely not your head.
Before you continue, keep in mind that the community will never say no to a request, will answer every question you ask, and will try to do so within a seven week time period, give or take holidays and summer vacation. Some users may revert your edits back to the old version, an admin might tell you on your talk page not to do something you may not even have done, and some fairly hardcore gestapos just might delete an article you wrote. If any of this is the case, prove that you are a good writer by taking constructive criticism, or moving your page to your user page, work on it and show everyone how awesome and funny you are.
If you don't lose your cool over what's really just normal procedure here and if you listen to what people say and take time to improve your works, you'll have a great time here, not get banned and will be scouted for by Saturday Night Live producers. And so...