User:S3ahawk/BD's Mongolian Barbeque
Bd's Mongolian Barbeque is yet another way to pig out and avoid that treadmill in the living room. The restaurant was conceptualized by Genghis Khan upon his defeat of Mother Russia in World War -5.3. He had a hard time thinking of a way to cook the red commies to celebrate his victory until he watched Silence of the Lambs. He figured he could put his lotion on their skins and then eat them! Years later we have advanced his revolutionary cooking technique, but the cooking oil still comes from within.
The whole concept behind BD's Mongolian Barbeque is that you can customize your own stir fry. When creating your stir fry, you must first choose your meat. Your choices include chicken, lamb, duck, cock meat, and squirrel just to name a few. Since the establishment is run by Jews, they only want you to have one meat in your delicious creation. However, the chances of anybody giving the slightest care are slim to none (unlike you, fatty).
Now For the Vegetables
Skip this section if you are obese. Otherwise, you can choose from a plethora of vegetation to add girth to your dish. You have many options such as beans, tofu, cannabis, and deadly night shade! There is no limit on the amount of vegetables you place in your bowl, but often times people will take advantage of the restaurant's generosity and end up spilling the contents of their dish onto the floor.
This stage is crucial to the creation of your culinary masterpiece! Here you can douse your dish with soy sauce, blood, and even herpes scabs for an exotic garnish! Also, you have the ability to grab an egg from the sauce stand (if some high-functioning autistic hasn't already broken it by clamping too hard with the tongs) and add some protein and cholesterol to your meal!
You have finished constructing a delicious plate, so you must make your way to the grill that BD's is famous for. As soon as you've spent an eternity searching for a spot on the grill, a friendly chef will take your food and place it on the grill surface. Once your food is cooking, the chefs commence a Mongolian ritual circle jerk. They use one another's penises to stir and flip your food, all while gently stroking their genitalia. The special cooking oil will emerge when they reach the climax of their ceremonial orgy, and you will be one step closer to receiving your food. After they mix in the special sauce, you will be on your way to enjoying an std-ridden dinner!
Seeing as your gargantuan posterior will probably need further nourishment (taking advantage of the all-you-can-wolf-down buffet was not enough), you will probably want to order a sweet treat to bring you even closer to your imminent diabetes. You can choose from the Mongo Mudslide (inspired by 2girls1cup), apple pie, and fetus-laden smoothies! Enjoy your clogged arteries, Wilford Brimley.
You will bleed from your anus for four score and seven years. Also, your ability to feel emotion will slowly deteriorate as you descend into the depths of being a basement-dweller. Also, beware of the potential AIDs.