User:Prettiestpretty/World's Greatest Dad

Saving this space for my Poo Lit entry. Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 19:40, 16 July 2008 (UTC)

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080715/NEWS03/80715096

The World's Greatest Dad award is an annual honor bestowed upon the man who best embodies the male roll of traditional child rearing. The contest, held on the 30th day of August is hosted each year different foreign country, and is the culmination of feeder contests and qualifying rounds held throughout the world.

Contestants are judged based on their qualifications, skills, wisdom and way with a child. Contestants are also judged on their ability to pass on their career knowledge and a swimsuit competition.

The winner of the annual event becomes the Official Ambassador for Fatherhood, product endorsements and television appearances on all the syndicated talk shows around the world.

"My Daddy is the World's Greatest Dad!"

Not so fast there sweetheart.

While many children may think their dad is the best, it simply isn't true. Wishful thinking has its place with the young and the naive, but your average father is no better than the next man who traded his dreams to your mommy the child that she wanted. Now that you're her, your father may just be pussywhipped into submission. In time you'll learn to be disillusioned with your father, and the best you can hope for is for your father to tolerate you during your Goth or Emo phases.

Qualifications and primary rounds

World's Greatest Dad hopefuls are nominated by their children, who are usually seeking recognition from their fathers, or by their wives/girlfriends who are trying to reinforce the importance that father's play in the lives of their teenager's lives.

Men must be fathers or step fathers of children, or boyfriends of women who have children who think that the man sleeping with their mother is their “uncle”.

In order to qualify for the first level of judging, the “Dad's” must first be corralled into the venue before they have a good sense of what is going, lest they bolt when they discover that they will be pushed onto the stage for all to review. At this level, the men are judged on their responses to basic questions with unfamiliar answers, such as ”Name all of your children, and provide the birth dates for each”. Their teeth are checked and their nominators read a testament as to why their candidate should be chosen World's Greatest Dad.

At this basic level, the fathers may also be asked to flex their biceps, discuss their favorite sports and diaper a prop baby doll if from a developed country. If the father is from a Third World Country, then he may be asked to judge a herd of goats, pierce his wife's nose or play a didgeridoo.

The Big Event

The World's Greatest Father award is bestowed on live television, during a big event which is called The Big Event. During the show (Father's loathe calling it a pageant) the fathers perform in a Big musical number while dressed in their native garb. Before the top ten semi-finalists are name, a consolation prize is given for “Mr. Cool”.

Once the finalists are selected, the other guys simply leave and go have a beer.

Throughout the rest of the night, the men perform tricks, are ordered to prance around in bathing suits and are given esoteric questions to which they must provide profound answers or be humiliated before a world audience.

The winner is chosen not on macho, but on the ability to let the audience touch his heart, and perhaps share a single tear. This man will be named World's Greatest Father, and will receive the respect of his peers so long as he buys beers after the show. To him is also awarded a lifetime of tee-shirts that proclaim him as the WORLD'S GREATEST FATHER.

Meet the World's Great Father, 2007

When he isn't being arrested for pandering to minors, Michigander