User:Pojken 91
“How could they not be people, it's in their NAME!”
“All we wanted was your love.”
“All I want is your blood!”
The Pine Needle-People are a less researched, though non the less interresting, invertebrate (spineless) branch of the Animal Kingdom, not unlike snails or French people. Though, what sepparates the Pine Needle-People from other members of the Animal Kingdom is the fact that they photosynthesize. But beware not to mix them up with plants, for the sun is not what initiates the photosynthesis; it is the love of human beeings that has to radiate its glorious light upon them to keep them alive. In fact, the Pine Needle-People were the main reason the MacDonalds "Day of Love" campaign was founded.
Some famous Pine Needle-People include Mary Kate Olsen, Lindsay Lohan, Geri Halliwell, Renee Zelwegger, Teri Hatcher, Victoria Beckham, Nicole Kidman and Nicole Richie, who can all be recognized using the "Three Step Method". The Three Step Method essentially includes looking for three main features, namely the "retracted stomach", excessive throwing up after meals (this is, of course, because the Pine Needle-People do not need to consume human food other than for social reasons) and the ability to walk sideways through the spaces between the pages of books. Some critique has been shown towards the physical appearance of these famous Pine Needle-People and many claim that their diets are too confined. What these people do not realize is that through their constant critique of them, the Pine Needle-People are less and less provided with their only source of nurishment - love. The names of these critics have censored, Jennie, but they will, at the second coming of the evil Pine Godess, Xzenra, feel the fiery vengence of the rejected race. This second coming has been anticipated to occur some time tomorrow and will include fire, stabbing and Russian TV.
From this short introduction to the lives of Pine Needle-People, we hope you have leart to, if not love, at least respect their humble race and know that they mean you no harm. They are people too - Pine Needle-People.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Charles Dickens "[These Pine Needle-People are friggin awsome, dude. Hey, what are we smoking again? [...] Oh, yeah, opium. Pine Needle-People, a true story]" Dickens Publishing, 21/02, 1921
- Jennie "[They are NOT PEOPLE! Say they're not people or I'll kick you in the crotch again! Jennie's Memoirs]" Katedral, 21/02, 2008