User:Pentium5dot1/Storage facility/Morlocks

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“I never met a Morlock I didn't like”

~ Jon "Oliver Wendell" Holmes on Morlocks

“Rapunzel has Morlocks than me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Morlocks

The subterranean survivors of a Native American plumbing and heating guild, Morlocks often rise up out the sewers under cover of darkness to repair all kinds of problems with conventional heating, irrigation, and H-Vac systems, usually in modern hi-rises and duplex apartments. Morlocks have abandoned all use of currency, and instead pay for goods and services using meat. The most famous Morlock was Ted Kennedy, known fondly for his relentless experimentation in drunken, underwater breathing. Other famous Morlocks including "Tipper" Gore, Roseanne Barr, and Jerry "Sphincter" Levine of Morristown, New Jersey.

Appearances In Literature[edit | edit source]

The best remembered literary tribute to the Morlocks is H.G. Montana's The Time Macheen, which tells the story of the first inventor of waterless shower. In Montana's novel, we learn of the Morlocks invention of scented body sprays, and their inability to tell the difference between just washed underwear and lint. Tragically, the hero of the story, a Morlock named Juan Valdez, is burned in a coffee plantation fire.

Other appearances of the Morlocks in Art[edit | edit source]

  • The character of Chief Inspector Bin-Sphincter in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories
  • The operatic lead in Mozart's Figarello, known only as Fitzhugh Fitzhugh
  • The entire cast of Rent

Dealing With Annoying Morlocks[edit | edit source]

Morlocks can also get on your last nerve with their incessant screeching, John Kerry bumper stickers, and a general unwillingness to use modern surgical enhancements. In 1979, the Dow Chemical Company created a chemical known as Agent Orange to eliminate a Morlock habitat in Southeast Asia, but the unpleasant side effects of the chemical -- including the mass extermination of all human life over thousands of square miles -- led to some restrictions on its use. {{rewrite|medium}} [[category:people]]