User:Pasmorade/sandbox4
Coolius, often anglicized as Coolio, was a Greek and Roman demigod who became the god of rap. Born in 663 BCE from a relationship between Doctodreus, anglicized as Dr. Dre, and a mortal woman, Coolius had to rise from the bottom, not becoming a god until the 1990s. However, due to the attempts by American comedian "Weird Al" Yankovic alongside the Amish to sabotage his powers, his magnum opus "Gangsta's Paradise" has been corrupted into a promotional ad for the Amish. This weakened him immensely, and in 2022, he died of COVID-19.
Biography[edit | edit source]
As is quite common in mythology, one of Coolio's parents was a powerful god. The omniscient deity Dr. Dre had an affair with a mortal woman named the Lady of Rage. From this illicit tryst with a mortal, Coolio was born. As a result, Dr. Dre's queen, Latifah, was extremely jealous of Coolio, and while he was still a baby, she put snakes in his bed, hoping the serpents would do away with the child. Later, upon returning with the expectation that Coolio was dead, she was surprised to find him happy as can be with a strangled snake in each fist.
At an early age, he proved himself to be an unerring marksman, a champion wrestler and a man of superhuman strength. Later, Coolio was driven insane by Queen Latifah. In a frenzied rage, he murdered his own children. To atone for this heinous crime, he was sentenced to perform a series of difficult feats, or "Labors," for his cousin Ice Cube, the king of Mycenae and Tiryns. In actuality, Coolio should have been the king, but Queen Latifah had tricked her husband into crowning the sneaky Snoop Doggy Dogg in his place.