Louis The Second, Duke of Bourbon[edit | edit source]

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikia have an entire wiki about Captain Louis Tiberious Bourbon

1337-1410, Rennes Le Chateau.

“Poor bastards, they'll see the bats soon enough...”
~ Hunter S. Thompson on Louis the Second Duke of Bourbon

“If it weren't for Louis, I'd be an accountant or some shit.”
~ Rat Scabies of The Dammned on Louis the Second Duke of Bourbon

Louis ||, Duke of Bourbon, also nicknamed "Elitios" [L.] meaning "The Good". He was made famous by the classic western, "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" where Clint Eastwood accurately portrays Louis "The Good" as a sweaty, nerdy, alcoholic vigilante. The final, climactic scene virtually re-inacts the Whiskey Rebellion during which Louis 2 and his drunk ass friends had an eye twitching contest followed by an alcohol sweating contest.

The infamous eye twitching contest.

Mr. Bourbon had a family history of nervous breakdowns and mental instability. Researchers believe this is mainly due to centuries of inbreeding, mountain folk, religion, Asperger's Syndrome and horrible communication skills. Dr. Bourbon had a fondness for replacing common greetings and pleasantries such as "Bonjour" [Fr.] "Hello!" and "Ecorcher les oreilles!" [Fr.] "How 'bout them Orioles!" with well known latin phrases, presumably to make himself seem less like a crazy ass drunk guy and more like a cool writer or respected academic such as Hunter S. Thompson. One of his favorites was "Necissitas non habet legem!" [L.] which loosely translates to "If necissary, I will fucking kill you for a thimblefull of beer!"

The 1337 Empire[edit | edit source]

Louis the second is of particular interest to the new generation of "Leet" gamers. He has reached cult status due to the symmetry of his nick name "Elitios" (essentially "Elite") and the year of his birth, 1337. ("1337" is "Leet" or "Elite" in the gamer language called "Leet"). A recent internet meme, "The order of the Bourbon" is an actual postmodern religion similar to The Church of the SubGenius, and Discordianism. One can find references to "The Order" spammed all over the Lfg channel in the MMORPG, World of Warcraft. A typical entry may read as follows

"Lf1m Ubrs have tank+healer pst." Or more often, "12p q00u!" and sometimes "QQ No0b54uc3!"

· "Lf1m" refers to the "El-Fem" or what Burbonians consider to be the creator of their God, and therefore the universe, Louis' mother, Zelda Agnes Whiskey, Duchess of Bourbon.

· "Ubrs" is an obvious reference to “Leet” as “Uber” is german for “Extra special A-O.K.” or “War”.

· “Have tan” refers to their version of the afterlife when they all die and become characters in W.o.W. with lovely tans and crazy dance moves.

· “K+” is Leet for “Kt”, whose meaning is shrouded in mystery. Some believe it stands for “kitten tickling”, a primordial version of kitten huffing.

· “Healer” represents their God, Louis ||, and their elixer of joy, straight bourbon itself.

· “Pst” is exactly what it sounds like, ie. “Psst, hey, you wanna buy a watch?”

· 12p q00u! is a joyful greeting shared between the Bretheren of Bourbon, and a sign of great respect and admiration.

· QQNo0b54uc3” is a warm farewell between friends and comerades.

Louis on his mount.

4r7 i5 4 no0bz[edit | edit source]

Louis || was a prolific artist, producing 2 oil portraits every 4 hours of his 42 years as a painter. His work has been compared to the old masters but not really in a complimentary way. Most of his paintings were done very quickly, occasionally if he’d had a sip of turpentine instead of the usual bourbon, or port, he’d forgo the use of brushes all together, substituting his hands, cheeks, kittens or small children. There are many wild accounts from the sitters of these so called paintings.

Louis' painting of Miss Oscar Wilde in his Johhny Thunders phase.

Louis’ sister, Miss Oscar Wilde, Duchess of Martini recalled[edit | edit source]

“I remember one time Lou was painting me and he was sooo fucking drunk man, he like got this crazy look in his eyes and he’s all “Hey, I gotta take a piss”. So I’m like “Uh, o.k..” And he just pisses right there on the floor. Then he starts to take his clothes off and he’s like “HEY, HEY AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH DID YOU SEE THAT FUCKING GUY OUTSIDE THE WINDOW??? And I was like “What guy dude?” And he’s all like “Don’t fucking pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about!” And then he tried to walk but his pants were around his ankles so he fell flat on his face and we were laughing so hard he almost crapped his self. OH man, haha good times.”

Louis Bourbon. Drunk again. God bless him.

Praise h1m qoou[edit | edit source]

Louis Bourbon was a soldier, a brother, an artist, a father, a poet, an alcoholic, a Viking and a deity. His life giving elixir of joy keeps us smiling and warms our chestal areas in times of stress like family gatherings, or group therapy sessions. His amber happy water has been the fuel for some of the best music, art, human couplings and bloody wars this world has ever known.

I shudder at the thought of what we would be without the vast contributions, both pre and post mortem of His Holiness, Sir Louis the Second, Duke of Bourbon.