User:Miketan323/Redbox

A КоммциiзT was written by this article☭ "In Soviet Яussia, template adds УФU!!" Note that both the 中国人 and ze Яussians love ziz AЯTICLE!

Redbox

Redbox is a diabolical invention that at this moment is stabbing Netflix in the ass. Its inventor, Hans R. Box, Hitler's inbred son thought of it while kitty huffing.

“I use it to rent movies!”

~ Captain Obvious on Redbox

“That bastard took my job!”

~ Hobo on Redbox

History

Since its creation, Redbox has been heiled for its major contributions to society such as

• Telemarketers
• AIDS
• Scientology
• Cheap Chinese Labor

Redbox and his former colleague, Dick Cheney

But the history of the Redbox is not all fun and games, in 40,000 B.C., Redbox and a Neanderthal joined forces to create the wheel. Upon completion, Dick Cheney patented the idea, making millions, without redbox. Redbox seeing how evil the bourgeois was decided to join the Communist Party.

While the world was worrying about Y2k, Redboxes around the world were geting what is now known as the Red Screen of Death. After years of investigation and hundreds of human casualties, it discovered that the [Red Screen of Death] was fixed by simply changing to Daylight Saving's Time.

In 2010, it became the first company to carry Back to the Future blu-rays.

DVD Rentals

Redbox has been known worldwide for its thriving prostituition DVD rental business. Redbox, being the creator or the DVD, had control of all DVD distributions around the world. This includes all Disney, Sony, Dreamworks, etc. productions and that porn <insert name here> hides under his mattress. Yes,Redbox is watching you <insert name here>. Be careful. Of course, because Redbox is communist all DVD's are distributed evenly across all locations.

Rapid Growth

Thanks to Redbox's alliance with several communist leaders and the Devil, Redbox was able to open many locations worldwide such as Russia, China, Cuba, and Hell and Your Mom's house without competition.

Redbox's Hell Location

This rapid growth led to some changes. Redboxes where getting acne, and they where growning hair where there used to be none. Then, out of the blue, nopthing happened, so you can still rent movies like the pathetic sheep you are.

A Map of Redbox Locations

Each red dot represents a Redbox location. The single blue dot is a Blockbuster that has been overrun by lemurs