User:Maniac1075/Channel 31
Channel 31 is a Melbourne (Australia) community/public access station that started in 1993 as a channel to show the trots. Bu trots we don't mean horse races, we mean it was a health program to aid those suffering from constipation. The channel once broadcast some great TV programming, that was seen by a total of 5 cunts who thought, "Not a bad show, some other proper channel should pick this one up so I don't just keep avoiding checking out this channel". Such great shows where once seen like Champagne Comedy and... well... Ok, so there is one decent show. The rest is compiled of a bunch of lame shit that should be against the law for anyone to allow something so fucking crap to be seen on TV. These are such shows as The Comic Box, a supposedly comedic show with two carpet munching hosts who wouldn't know what comedy was, even if it rented space up their arse. Even tho they are paying for it themselves to be broadcast, they really do both suck and blow to extraordinary magnitudes not seen since the days of Bert Newton's "New Faces" hour!
Programming[edit | edit source]
Channel 31 brings you 24/7 broadcasting displeasure each day, jam packed with boring shows hosted by losers you will not want to watch, and feel a sudden bowl movment come on if you try to watch a program other then Champgane Comedy for more then a 1 minute; 45 second duration. The only other successful program ever to be shown on 31 was the Logi Award winning "Fish Cam". In 1996 the show astonishingly beat out "Hey Dad, Stop Touching My Fanny" for comedy of the year, as well as topping "A Cunt needs Practice" for best drama that does not feature Georgie Parker or Lisa McCune.
Champagne Comedy[edit | edit source]
Champagne Comedy is a program that allowed stand up comics to stand up, and show an audience just how hard they can bomb on stage. The show occasionally would be alright when the likes of Chris Franklin where apart of the show, as well as Dave O'Neil and some bald headed wog . Not that douche-bag who does a joke about the hole in the bucket or that faggot named Matt who produces the show. For the most part, Champagne Comedy is a program that should have been put out of it's misery years ago and left to run repeats of the few successful airings they had where audience members actually laughed. More often then not, the 3 best acts of 20 are shown on TV the following week, which makes you wonder if these 3 are the best, then being in the audience must have been so bad the main sponsors of the show must be The suicide prevention line as no reported deaths have been pointed at the show thus far.
The Comic Box[edit | edit source]
This show is hosted by a middle aged, balding dyke who is trying to look 15 by wearing colorful wigs and goth clothing. She has no comic talent what-so-ever, and if anyone ever finds anything she says funny, you need to check into a rehab program, and if you find her in the slightest way a bit sexy, then we will amputate our own dicks. This ugly bitch has a co-anchor, some shy little gook who just twists her hair around her index finger, smiles embarrassingly and thinks to herself, "I think I will hitch a ride back to my own fucked up country if this shit is the best Australia has to offer, before I kill myself". These two dykes interview supposed comedians and ask the important questions like "How is the weather" and "Do you think I should join a euthanasia program?".
Fish Cam[edit | edit source]
During the first 10 years of Channel 31, the station was not broadcasting 24/7, it went off air around midnight most nights, and unlike other stations that go off air and show test patterns, 31 showed a fish cam! It was a live feed of an aquarium tank that gave celebrity status to many a marine life.
Ratings for this broadcast skyrocketed, and Channel 31 was beating out the SBS weather forecast to become the 3rd least watched program after midnight next to the Jay Leno show on Channel 10.
Viewers could enjoy a fish-tank cam on their televisions from around the hours of 12am to 11pm each day along with a soundtrack of local artists and talentless musicians who could pay a fee of 9 cents to have their unsuccessful albums played as back groundmusic to the fish cam. Most viewers, however, muted the broadcast.
Fish Cam gave way to many controvertible moments, such as the shocking broadcast from 1am to 7:45pm 4 days later when Jerry The Goldfish was broadcast for days floating upside down, dead! This broadcast shocked viewers and several people alike, including women and children who witnessed the broadcast & had to receive ongoing counseling.
The broadcast of that event put Fish Cam's future in jeopardy, and although broadcasts were no longer sent out live, it was decommissioned by 1 old fart and the Fish Cam was pulled from the air.
Fish Cam Lives On in Viewers Hearts on DVD[edit | edit source]
From Parcllub home movies comes all your favorite classic Fish Cam moments! Such as when the yellow fish swam past the blue one, when the gold fish was in his castle, and when the sad moment that shocking footage of the controversial death of Jerry is a hidden bonus feature, Glorious!!! Fully digitally restored with crystal clear waters surround sound, playable on any DVD player. And also available on VHS, Laser disc, commodore64 and when ordering ask about our free down-loadable backgrounds for your mobile/cell phone. You can purchase the "Tribute To Fish Cam" at all leading Channel 31 outlets and wherever good bootlegs are sold.
DVD Features
- - New Digitally remastered footage!
- - Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound and DTS surround sound (THX coming soon)
- - Both Widescreen 2:35:1 and Full Screen Flip Side discs.
- - Fully Animated Menu's
- - 9 Featurette's
- - Directors cut footage
- - Audio Commentary
- - Behind The Scenes water changing and feeding time.
- - English / French /Spanish / Bullshitish / Foolish Subtitles
- - Closed Captions English: for the hearing impaired
- - Image Gallery
- - Story Board Comparison
- - TV Spots + Trailers
- - Deleted Minutes
- - Cast and Crew Biography's
- - Scene Access
- - The Dangers of the deep blue tank
- - Bloopers, Blops and Poopy shots
- - Original Trailers + Non Original Trailers
- - Alternate Scenes
- - Which fish did you eat last night game
- - Digital replacement of lost Jabba The Hut Scenes
- - Tuna in da puss-puss trivia game
- - Royal Flush: Disposing of dead fish.
- - Where Are They Now? Flounders trip to the fish & chip shop home video.
- - Playable on ALL regions
- - Limited Edition cover case (only 5 billion will be made, hurry while stocks outlast)
Order Yours Today
Order now for our crazy price of just $400,000,000,000 plus postage and handling.
How can you resist this great offer? BUY NOW! While stocks last!!!
All major credit cards excepted. or ring 1800-0055-69-Parcllub,
lines are open 24 hours a day, from 10am to 5pm all week,
from Monday to Friday except Thursday's.
If you would like a Fax sheet, ring 1800-69-69-69 and ask for Bambi.
$25.95 per minute, higher rates from mobile/cell phones and public urinals.
Or simply just write to us at....
Parcllub Fish Cam DVD
69 Melrose Drive, PleasantVille
Crystal Lake, Atlantis, Earth 90210
Ph: 1800-007-69-0055
Return Policy
If you are not satisfied with your purchase, simply return your product in a heft bag, turn the thing sideways and stick up straight up your ass. Cause we don't do refunds, but why would you want to return this fabulous DVD offer? Its that easy!
- Note: Do not operate DVD if drowsiness or death occurs.