User:Magic man/Welcome!

Hello Magic man!

Hello Magic man!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thanks for making an account here. We were just sitting down for dinner, so you can just come on in! Hopefully, you'll like it here and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah that's it. And don't forget to wipe your shoes on your way out, you wouldn't want to get the outside world dirty. Anyway, if you do decide to stay, I have a few good links for people like you:

Now that you're here, you get

the golden chalice of stupidity.

the golden chalice of stupidity.

• Beginner's Guide ~ This is by far the best thing you can read as a noob. It'll give you great tips on how to get started here. Personally, I've read it at least three times.
• How to be funny and not just stupid ~ Now this, is just the best thing, period. If you are ever (and I do mean ever) unsure about anything writing wise, consult this. It is my personal belief that the more times you read this, and the more you use it when writing, the better your writing will be. Yeah, it's that good. If I were you I'd read it at least once through and through before editing anything.
• About us ~ This may be shorter then the others, but don't dismiss it, it could help you just as much as the other two.

If you want to know more, the following can be great secondaries to the above.

• Our Vanity Policies ~ why we don't care about your friends, your English teacher, or that gay douche-bag who lives down the road.
• How To Get Started Editing ~ This is like the beginners guide, but all about the editing part. This helps, A LOT.
• FAQs ~ This is a list of the answers to questions we've been asked so many times that we'll shoot ourselves if we get asked again. Everything from "How do I insert pictures?" to "Can I be an admin?".

If you want your pages to last, those are good places to learn the basics of how to do it. And there are many more. And with enough practice, your page (that's right, I said yours) could even make it to the front page!

But please, For the love of all that is holy, whatever you do, DO NOT VANDALIZE! You see, here at Uncyclopedia we tend to frown apon that. So if you vandalize we'll slit your throat. Got it? Good!

When on talkpages or forums, please sign your name using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will magically produce your name and the date so we know who said what. And when.

To create a page, simply click here. Or make it in your userspage by clicking here: User:Magic man/Insert article name here. If you do decide to make your article in mainspace, remember to put a {{WIP}} tag on your page if you're still working on it.

And finally, just have fun. It's why we're all here. Maintain a good attitude and you'll do well here. :) (unless you don't do well here...)

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Or even add that--> {{help}} to any page you need help on along with a message and someone will come to the rescue! Again, welcome!