User:MagicBus/Milkshake
Milkshakes are a type of confectionary earthquake. They occur when the geological stability of the layer of milk below the crust of the planet Cookie deteriorates, causing the crust of Cookie to crumble into the milk layer below. Milkshakes have caused the deaths of many, many chocolate chips on the planet cookie.
Milkshakes are however revered in the religion of cows. Cows revere milkshakes as a celebration of their purpose, which is to mine the milk from planet Cookie and ship it to Earth on giant tankers.
A milkshake is a tasty drink that everyone can enjoy. It's so fucking cold when you drink it! BE CAREFUL THIS WILL GIVE YOU A BRAIN-FREEZE IF YOU TAKE IN TOO MUCH AT ONE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The milkshake is cold the people in Antarctica put it on their igloos to keep the igloos from melting. In regarding that last sentence I was just told that no people live in Antarctica!
History[edit | edit source]
Milkshakes were invented by Amish milk technicians in the early 1880s. Originally (and still today, because those Amish people haven't gotten any less Amish) milkshakes involved the mixing of equal parts butter and milk. The Amish were eventually removed from power after numerous botched attempts at entry into the drug market. As Tony Soprano stated after the fact, "We knew they didn't have cars and we did. So instead of shooting which we thought would be unfair, we just ran them all down with our SUVs. We thought we were sending a pretty stern message...news apparently travels pretty slow between these guys."
The lactose based drink was popularized by Michael Jackson. Due to the large number of boys that Jackson molested, a grass roots campaign started in 1980 and had spread throughout America the Great by the year 1980. The baby was like that when I got here.
In popular culture[edit | edit source]
Milkshakes were later popularized by rapper Kelis's song "My Milkshake", which boasted, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." But as Jay-Z was quoted as saying, "Girl, back up that dump truck because I don't want none of that trash."
Milkshakes have often appeared in 1950s commercials, Happy Days, warnings from the Department of Homeland Security, and white people.
Milkshakes have been announced as United States' non-official Drink Of The Country. Many have grown a strong liking to milkshakes since then.
Foundation[edit | edit source]
The foundation of the milkshake was created by some man that thought to himself "Man, it's so hot out and a want something to drink." So he tried water, soda and milk. Then, he put ice cream in some milk and shook it up and called it a "milkshake". You can also put ice cream and milk into a blender, the same result appears. Nobody knows for sure who invented the milskshake but whoever it was gets two thumbs up for thinking (and making) such an amazing cream drink!
Method[edit | edit source]
- Get a cup from the cupboard
- Pour one glass of milk
- Add two scoops of ice cream
- Shake that motherfucker!
- Viola! A milkshake!
Drinking a Milkshake[edit | edit source]
You can drink a milkshake at anytime before 6:00AM and after 9:00PM. You should be careful of how much milkshake you consume because if you drink too much you could get a stomach-ache. Nobody cares about that last sentence. People love milkshakes on a hot day because it keeps them cool. They are still enjoyable no matter how much you drink. I suggest that you drink your milkshake with a straw because the milk will go smoothly into your mouth. Here are some ways to enjoy milkshakes:
- Blow into you milkshake and make bubbles
- Pee into your milkshake
- Stick your penis in your milkshake
- Just drink your milkshake
NOTE: The middle two bullets are not as efficient as the other two.
GOD DAMN IT I SPILLED MY MILKSHAKE![edit | edit source]
If you happen to spill your milkshake don't you fear now because Godzilla or Dracula won't get you. However, if you're very lucky The Beetus might creep into your house and sleep with you in bed. But more serious, all you have to do is grab your wife's favorite shirt or her skirt (which ever one you prefer) and wipe the spill very harshly. She'll be so mad at you, she'll want to kick your ass!