User:Lollipop/Vanity Archives/Wayne hovey
“This Kid is a beast”
“He beat me twice... In one race!”
“In Soviet Russia, Wayne Hovey still beat you! That's how good he is!”
Wayne Lightning-Gun Hovey
Wayne Hovey is a crazy cool kid who runs, on average, 3 marathons a day. He is currently a collegiate runner. As in, he runs colleges. He is currently the dean of no less than 13 million colleges in the United States alone. He also invented the marathon. He originally wanted it to be 300 miles but figured the earthlings could not keep up with his skill and buffed out prowess. Then, after much bartering with the president of the earth Barack Obama, they agreed on the now universal 26.2 miles. This only because Obama offered Wayne the presidency of Earth should Obama become white.
Background
Wayne Hovey has the uncanny ability to run at supersonic speeds because he is not from this planet. In his own words he gives a short, stark autobiography "Wayne Earl Hovey was born on February 31, 2013 on planet booger, and he loves to eat metal and drink oil". However nonsensical and immature this may sound, the FBI has investigated and found it to be the truth. He eats metal and drinks oil because these are the only substances known on earth that can support his rocking 24 pack abs. Yes, he has a 24 pack. Of stone.
Early Years
Wayne was born more of a man than you will ever be. He was born on a date that does not exist, on a year we have not yet reached. (see above) His mother was caused immense pain in the birthing process. Mainly due to the abs of steel. At the age of 3 Wayne could bench a small SUV. At the age of 5 Wayne flew faster than superman. 3 days later he beat superman in an arm wrestle. Realizing his potential, Wayne cut off his wings and added their muscle to his legs. Which now ran so fast he needed rockin' blue pants to keep his legs from burning. In his off time he chose to swim. However the extreme friction of his supersonic arms gliding through the water caused the Fexion Ocean to evaporate. (Don't bother looking it up, it evaporated before anyone was alive).
In his teen years, Wayne had already solved all the math problems. Ever. And then decided to run the combined sum of all the numbers in the world. In miles. This immense number of miles took him slightly over 3 days to run. He had so many offers of love from so many women at this time, he decided to be single. Just to make them all swoon over him more. He can bench press Jupiter.
Interesting Facts
-Wayne runs faster than flash and with more fury than a rhinoceros.
-He has racked up more mileage than a commoner'sToyota Corolla. And he did it last week.
-He is the real reason the United States has an Interstate Highway system, seeing as he puts more mileage on them than all domestic cars combined. We're looking at you Ford
-It is said that Chuck Norris can run around the world and roundhouse kick himself in the back. Wayne can run around the world and beat himself in a race.
-In the beginning God wanted to make the planets flat, he could not however keep up with Wayne's demands for a long enough running track, thus God made the planets round, keeping Wayne appeased.... for now.
-Wayne once ran faster than the speed of light, decided it was too dark at that speed and slowed down. He now runs consistently 1 mph less than the speed of light.
-The Olympics were once held every year, however this did not give the athletes enough time to train for their race against Wayne. Not that training could help them. It was then moved to every 4 years.
-Wayne no longer has to work out. He simply tells his muscles to get stronger and they do.
-He doesn't like attention. And therefore commonly goes by aliases. Among these are Zeus, Hercules, Mario, Master Chief, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, and Rachel Ray. He once had an offer to be the super hero Thor, but was turned down because he was too strong.