User:Leaves /The Art of War
The Art Of War, written a long long time ago somewhere in China, or was it Mongolia? Hell, it could have been written in a Wal-Mart for all I know. Whatever that isn't important right now. It was written by Sun Subaru, or was it Sun Sushi? Maybe I should have looked at the cover... uh, hey, how about we just call him <insert name here> for the time being? That cool with everyone? Ok, cool! Now that we have that settled, <insert name here> wrote many things about the subtle nuances of war, but of course these were overshadowed by what the male chauvinist pigs that control the media.
I'm talking about you, Patrick Swayze.
I forget myself, where was I?
Shit, I don't remember where I was.
You know what, fuck it, just fuck it.
Initial Estimations[edit | edit source]
<insert name here> said that warfare is the greatest affair of the state (other than the lottery), the basis of life and death (mostly death), and the way to survival or extinction (more like sextinction). It must be thoroughly pondered and analyzed (much like Miss Playboy of The Year 2003).
Warfare must be structured according to five factors:
- The Dao Jones
- Heaven (Supreme Court for atheists)
- Earth (as if)
- Generals
- Laws (optional)
The Dao causes the people to be fully in accord with their ruler. Thus, they will die with him (not by free will of course), they will live with him as day laborers, and they will not fear danger, except for the INS.
Heaven is ching and chong, air conditioner and heater, and the beauty of Morgan Freeman's golden voice.
Earth is composed of pollution far and near, difficult or easy sanitation practices, and fatal or tolerable biohazard sites.
The General is a symbol for wisdom, credibility, benevolence, courage, and strictness. Just like titanium.
The Laws aren't important. Therefore, soldiers should rape and pillage to their heart's content, at least until supper time.
Waging War[edit | edit source]
When sending troops to war, the general be aware that a prolonged foray into the field will result in union strikes and lawsuits, also people die, so try and keep it quick. When your weapons have been expended and your morale destroyed, uprisings are sure to occur.