User:Kippy/nakedpope

At this point, the Naked Pope is less a nude old man than a nude old legend. Now, after nearly a decade of searching and giving up, followed by the sudden triumphant return of his Nakedness, the whereabouts of the Naked Pope have finally been discovered.

Indeed, the Naked Pope was spotted by wildlife safarists deep in the eastern lowlands of Madagascar, isolated from the rest of society amongst a commune of fellow naked believers. The Naked Pope has apparently founded a Christian nudist cult dedicated to preserving the rainforests from the looming threat of homosexuals. The cult, previously unbeknownst to mainstream Christendom and society at large, has somehow managed to gain an underground following in the hundreds around the world, and has sent out missionaries to protect the rainforests. Whenever a tourist shows up who seems a little on the queer side, a Christian nudist will pop out of the bushes and wack them with a bamboo stick until they either run away or the gay demons are expulsed from their rectums.

With the Naked Pope confirmed alive and located, there's now the question of his relevance to Catholicism. Given that he's technically Father Christmas now, the Naked Pope's only official duties to the Church are spreading joy during the holiday season. Perhaps stopping the gays from fagging up everything is the best way to accomplish that.

The Church has overall decided to let the Naked Pope continue his crusade to save the rainforests unabated. The issue was addressed in this past week's edition of the Vatican newsletter with the simple blurb, "We just...we really don't care anymore."