User:Kaasterly/sandbox
“Uber driver: So, you’re a student? What are you majoring in? Johnnie: Haha, umm…uhh…that’s a good question! You see, uhh…”
– Prepare for this.
Unlike any other college, St. John’s College (demonym: Johnnie) is an ancient commune full of weird traditions and homework, wherein children and children-at-heart become polity-ruling philosophers, training to safeguard humanity in a world dominated by artificial intelligence. This training entails a lot of reading,[a] group discussion-based classes, and lectures on Friday nights.[b]
St. John’s College was founded 1698 in Annapolis, Maryland, where it still stands today somehow. Just kidding, it’s actually located in Santa Fe, New Mexico, right next to the United States Naval Academy. It has been ground zero for some of the most severe outbreaks of musicality.[c]
Traditions[edit | edit source]
Learning[edit | edit source]
It's a liberal arts school, where everybody does the same "B.A or M.A. in the Liberal Arts" curriculum.[d] In addition to the "Great Books" program,[e] St. John's has a little-known "Great Movies" program featuring Casablanca, Princess Mononoke, and 1917; as well as a "Great Video Games" program featuring Morrowind, Jak II, and Okami. It would be cool if that were true, right?
Tutors[edit | edit source]
Tutors are former students who completed the program and loved the experience so much that they reenrolled to do it all again. Some are on their fifth or sixth run-through. Without any money to pay tuition again, they instead get by by leading classes (disguised as a student), grading (not important), and hosting office hours (if you ask).
Undergraduate Program[edit | edit source]
Seminar[edit | edit source]
Everyone loves it. You'll walk into your very first class, one evening after a week of sharp culture shock, to a square table full of ~16 other kids your age or younger who understood the Iliad way better than you. It's gonna feel like the fucking Illuminati planning room; and you'll be there four hours a week. It'll feel scary and weird, and probably will again in the first Sophomore Seminar, but as for who's gonna act cute and tell goofy jokes throughout the discussion, the charge is yours to take.
Language[edit | edit source]
Everybody calls it "Greek" or "French", but it's actually Language. Because you'll be translating dead languages,[f] Google can't save you this time. During discussion, Language is bound to turn into Seminar sometimes, and that's okay. As long as you're learning, you're winning.
Mathematics[edit | edit source]
The title is deceptive; math haters may actually end up loving the foundational ideas behind math (skill in it not guaranteed).
Laboratory[edit | edit source]
Channel your inner Breaking Bad, mixing chemicals at 9:00am under the guidance of Romantic-era sorcerers.
Music[edit | edit source]
Because this is a classics school, you'll study classical music.
Graduate Institute[edit | edit source]
They exist to make us look like a serious institution.
Extracirriculars[edit | edit source]
I will beat you at basketball in the Iglehart Gym every time.
Secrets[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Psst...if St. John's survives another 3,000 years, half of the books on the program will still be there, 'cuz they're so ancient!
- ↑ Pssst...they're optional!
- ↑ Psst...not just aural music, but anything one receives from the Muses!
- ↑ Pssst...but if you're on the Santa Fe campus, you can go for an Eastern Classics degree instead!
- ↑ Pssst...one of them is a music!
- ↑ Pssst...sadly no Latin, not since the 1930s.