User:JerryChives
This user supports the Communist Party of China
, but only because because it's our last chance for global communist domination. |
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An Article I'm Working On[edit | edit source]
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This article might offend some minorities. Alas, as they are not the majority, we will follow the democratic tradition and vote regarding the contents. Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form. |
An Average American's day is filled is filled with gluttony and laziness. The Average American is a very dangerous wild animal and can be found throughout most of the United States but they tend to grow much larger and fatter the farther north they travel possibly to retain warmth in the bleak winter months.
A Typical Day for a Southerner[edit | edit source]
The first subspecies of American we will talk about is the Southern American normally called a "Redneck" which can be distinguished by there unique vocal patterns and there bright red necks.
Morning[edit | edit source]
Morning for a "Redneck" starts with three boxes of Cap'n Crunch for Breakfast. Then have a conversation with America's favorite Illegal Immigrant Dora the Explorer.
Dora: What was your favorite part of the day?
American: My favorite part was when...
Dora: I liked that part to!
American: Bitch I wasn't done yet!!!
Midday[edit | edit source]
Eat Seven boxes of Dominos pizza for lunch and then watch the News.
Reporter: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
Now you can order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it!
Southern American: Them darn Democrats a bunch of Commys!!!
Night[edit | edit source]
Eat twelve steaks for Dinner and watch Football (Not real Football some panzy Rugby wannabe.) If there is no Football Game on Television they will instead watch Basketball (A sport played by people much taller and blacker than those that watch it.) Sometimes the women will watch shows about cooking so that they can get even fatter. Then they will hibernate for six months and repeat.
A Northern American's Day[edit | edit source]
The second subspecies of American is the Northern American nicknamed a "Yankee" by Albert Einstein because of the Yank smell that seems to follow them wherever they go.
Morning[edit | edit source]
A typical morning for a Yankee starts with a bowl of Cheerios covered in the souls of dead puppies (A very important part of the "Yankees" diet).