User:Iwillkillyou333/Pee Review in Progress
Please do not edit this. This is for the sole purpose of doing my reviews for pee review. You may look, but no touchy. Thank you for your cooperation.
Note: If you ever edit conflict me while I'm editing this, unless it's absolutley necessary, my reply on your talk page will not be kind.
| Humour: | 1 | The article uses a lot of off-color humor. Don't get me wrong, off-color humor is funny, but I don't think it's the right path you should take. Off-color humor and game criticism, in my opinion, do not get a long very well. That and the fact that there are readers who find off-color humor to be stupid and annoying, and may avoid your articles, if not Uncyclopedia entirely, in the future. Just because you find that funny doesn't mean others will. Instead, use humor that relates to the topic and not shock humor. And there is random humor; when it comes to random humor, use it sparingly. Truth is always prefered. It's not that hard to blend truth with humor. Just look at the Resident Evil article. It humorous while staying with the truth.
I also do not like the fact that you cut out games 1-5. Why should they be excluded just because they were only sold in Japan? Maybe the reader wants to know about these games. I'm not saying you have go to Japan and play these games, mind. There's Wikipedia for that, and countless websites that may have the plot and perhaps some reviews of the games. Make the narrator a professional critic stating his claims about the series. It would be much better than some gamer who was disatisfied with the game and goes online to rant like a 7 year old with a potty mouth.. Also, sex jokes are funny, but they're better if they're witty. For example, "Claire Redfield is a zombie hunter who knows how to take on hordes of flesh-eating zombies out as well as any man who dares to play Plants vs Zombies with her." See how clever that was? |
| Concept: | 3 | I do see potential in this article. I honestly believe that something good could be made from this concept. Although in it's current state it's a complete mess. The tone of the article is quite juvenile and the entire thing sounds like a rant made by a seventeen year old boy dissatisfied with the series. Articles with such topics usually end up in Vote for Deletion, so that's not a good thing. Having someone telling the audience about his dissatisfaction of a particular game or series (not really original but it works), but the narrator must have some ounce of maturity. But I will get more into that in the humor section.
Since the concept is about condemning the Fire Emblem series, I think you should give the article a new name. Perhaps rename it to something like "Why?: You Shouldn't Play the Fire Emblem series". It goes along the concept much better and makes the concept more on-topic. You don't have to use that exact name, but it gives you an idea. |
| Prose and formatting: | 10 | Everything seems to be fine here. No spelling mistakes. |
| Images: | 3 | I really don't like the images, expect the last one. I prefer to see images that actually relate to Fire Emblem. So get rid of these and find some images that relate to the topic. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4.3 | Pie |
| Final Score: | 21.3 | A concept with potential but needs a lot of work. When in doubt, read HTBFANJS. It helps a lot, I gurantee it. Cheers! |
| Reviewer: | ---   19:30, June 7, 2012 (UTC)
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