User:IFYMB!/Cunt flashers collide with PENISMAN! after protest

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 June 2013

My Hero.

This is a witness account from a man taking part in the anti-gay protests in France, who saw perhaps what can only be described as a "miracle." Read on for more detail...

“ So, the anti gay protest had just finished and to be honest, we were not going to change anything. Our President François Hollande, more like Faggot Hollande, was not listening to the voices of his people, and when people don't listen to me, I tend to shout louder. However if I carry on shouting, I will get a sore throat, and then go to the doctors so he can give me something very unhelpful and it will be a complete waste of time. Hollande was not going to change his mind, the French people all seem to be gay so Hollande will keep going on about "gay rights" and shit like that.

Anyway the protest had finished and we were all standing around, kicking our feet, when we saw them. The Cunt Flashers. I had heard about their presence in England and I was quite worried. Unlike that unfortunate reporter in London, I am not a genitaliaphobe, I am however a tittyphobe, so I really didn't want them to start going topless.

They were just standing there, cunts in full view. I saw a couple of the lads go down, clawing at their eyeballs trying to remove the very image from their minds. One guy shat himself then sat down. We were losing the battle already. But then, out of the shadows came our savior. He was Napoleon, William the Conqueror, Joan of Arc (in the sense that he loved penis) and my Uncle "Jean" (same reason as Joan of Arc) all rolled into one. He was our Jason, our Perseus and our Achilles. But at first, we thought he was a gaylord.

To be honest, It was a reasonable assumption, he was covered in mostly  Limp Boners and was walking in that way stereotypical gay people walk, you know, hips moving from side to side. A few guys tried to attack him, but he beat them off with his penises. He then walked to the front of our group, and stared at this one non nude cunt flasher. She squinted. He squinted. She squinted. He squinted. Tumbleweed rolled past. She moved her hand nearer the hem of her skirt. He moved his hand nearer his real penis. She started to sweat. He didn't. She lifted her skirt and charged. It was like an advert for Axe.

What then happened before my eyes was a miracle, like Jesus curing the blind or the fact that Zsa Zsa Gabor still has her virginity. As they charged at PENISMAN!, he crouched down and raised his arm. Then the record for simultaneous mass orgasms was broken. 327 women ran onto his 327 penises and started to vibrate. And they then started to cry. And then scream. And then plead for their lives. And then they died. PENISMAN! then took off the suit and it was Limahl. He threw a bear arm at me, then turned in to a Kangaroo, jumped over to his spaceship and blasted off to The Moon to co-exist with the remnants of Buzz Aldrin's spirit.

”