User:Guitardemon666/Balkans

“WATCH things get stolen!”

~ George W. Bush

The Balkan peninsula (U.S. English: This is where we get all the hookers and heroin from) is a historical place on Earth and a significant place in the Faroe Islands. Its history dates back to the beginning of man and rock throwing. Some of the first forms of human beings have evolved on this territory, and obviously have not evolved any more ever since. The Balkan peninsula is located just to the left of the end of the world.

The Balkan peninsula is located just left of the end of the world

History

Because nobody likes anybody else, there's a ton of Balkan history, most of it pretty stupid. For example, Archduke Franz Ferdinand thought he had escaped assassination in Sarajevo, and then his driver had to go and make a wrong turn, and someone actually noticed! The Archduke was shot dead because his driver was an idiot! For want of good driving, a war broke out, an occurrence not all that unusual in the Balkans. (Other causes of wars in Balkans: spilled grape juice, soccer games, someone's mom died in someone else's house, Billy pulling Jennifer's hair in school, the lulz, because the king's wife dared the king to do it).

Geography

Location

Even though its location is known from the times when the world was flat and the maps were black and white, there are still some difficulties regarding the true location of the peninsula. EU laws say it's not in Europe, Asians say it's not in Asia as it is too overcrowded, and Africans says it's not in Africa because of too much poverty. So it's probably located in Australia or the Antarctic, i.e. the end of the world then left.

Terrain

Flatland checkered with mountains (full of sheep) and landmines, craters (made by landmines), bunkers (made by Albanians) and soccer stadiums.

Demographics

This territory has always been populated by many species, notably the Albanian (Illyric) and Montenegrin (Lazyodoic) tribes, as well as the Bulgarian (Tatarophonic), Greek (Macedonophobic) and Macedonian (Just-plain-idiotic) tribes, under the lead of Serbian (Ifuckyouallfuckinfuckheadedfuckheads) supreme tribes. Nowadays, the land is populated by millions of sheep and:

• Albanians (which are dedicated on working hard/soft/doggy on becoming the majority in the Balkans, Switzerland, the EU and the rest of the world, even China)
• Bosniaks (who do not know themselves what they are but they know they're nor Serbians nor Croats)
• Bulgarians (which are in reality Gypsies and Turks and Tatars, but all other Slavs are Bulgarian)
• Croats (which will cause a riot anywhere, whether it be tennis, waterpolo or handball or Dalmatian dog show)
• Greeks (which own everything, as a matter of fact, chances are that they actually own you, but you are still unaware of it)
• Gypsies (they're everywhere except where they should be - India)
• Kosovars (which actually are the fruit of the Albanians' hard work, and look forward to continuing the tradition)
• Macedonians (which are Bulgarians, Greek, Albanians, Serbians, and who knows maybe even something else in the future)
• Montenegrins (which are lazy Serbians)
• Romanians (what are they doing in this list?)
• Serbians (who are actually Serbians, but actually came from Mars, and eventually Snickers)
• Slovenians (which are no longer Slavs but like the name)

All of those species have a majestic custom: that of whining and arguing about all of the other species. Flamewarring is mighty fun, and has lead to many a happy festival of sacking and pillaging in the good ol' Balkans. Tourists are encouraged to come in and make bets in the casinos about who's going to win the war (and there is, of course, usually one going on, or more, typically fought by hordes of barbarians in soccer-team clothes with flaming signs and pitchforks, shouting the name of some "foodball" team).

Altenative names

The Balkan peninsula is known as the oasis of peace in European popular culture and American unpopular culture (non-MTV culture). So as a matter of fact this name is accepted all across the world and other places... except for Iceland and Kyrgyzstan where they don't have the word oasis, and in China where it is forbidden to look it up on the internet. There has been rumor that the countries located on the peninsula want to change the name of the peninsula in the language of their country located on the peninsula, and the names and translations are as follows:

• Albanian: Xhëtët Qetët

Translation: It's gonna be all ours

• Bosnian: Djesi ba? Jebo majku razbit ću ti pičku

Translation: We are not part of balkans, we are Turkeys neighbours

• Bulgarian: Тюркс фак май ес, я?

Translation: It's half ours:

• Croatian: Kaj je mater ti jebem?

Translation: Let's burn down Serbia

• Greek: Θαίλο να γκαμοίσσο των αιαυθώ μου, ϋ;

Translation: We've got a copyright to all the names there

• Macedonian: Ќур да јајте свитè

Translation: We need a visa to go there.

• Montenegrin: Đeee, Śeee, Źee, Зззз...

Translation: What's mine of it is Russian

• Serbian translation: Пичка бреее.../Pička breee...

Translation: It was all ours

External links

• Here you can read all about the Balkans, the geography and history of the peninsula as well as the demographic in as many languages as you would like

This article is part of Wikiproject America Sucks, a Wikiproject dedicated to articles related to dissing the United States of America.

To participate: Edit America-related articles to remind America of its failures, remind Americans of their status as the fattest, most arrogant and ignorant people in the world, and constantly point out the virtues and cultural contributions of other nations.

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