User:Gubby/Cake
Cake is the always delicious way out of any dilemma.
A dilemma is defined as a situation in which you have two choices and you are too indecisive to take either of them without suffering mental trauma. Philosophers have long ago realised, however, that a third option is always available[1], vis:
Dilemma: To be or not to be?
1. Be
2. Not be
3. Cake.
This has been verified by many authorities as being conclusive evidence that Hamlet was an idiot.
The dilemma of action or inaction[edit | edit source]
In the run up to World War II, Winston Churchill was faced with a dilemma:
1. Appease Hitler and POSSIBLY avoid a disastrous war
and
2. Fight Hitler and certainly have a disastrous war, and on top of that maybe not win.
Churchill forgot number three...
3. Cake.
The dilemma of being a romantic or a playboy[edit | edit source]
1. Go for a single girl and risk having your heart broken
2. Go for many girls and get lots of sex but no emotional fulfillment
3. Cake.
The dilemma of eating healthy vegetables or delicious cake[edit | edit source]
1. Eat vegetables and become healthier
2. Eat cake and get fat, but enjoy eating
3. Cake.
Why is cake so special?[edit | edit source]
In the beginning, there was just God, Adam, Eve, some animals, a garden, and a tree of knowledge. Adam and Eve spent their time having plenty of not particularly emotionally involved sex, and, of course, eating cake.
Then they ate from the tree of knowledge, and from then on no-one could work out exactly what sort of sex they were having at any one time, wars started happening, people starting asking themselves whether they should live or die and whether there was meaning to existence, and cake on the whole became largely forgotten. This was a mistake.
Special qualities of cake[edit | edit source]
Cake is a binary quality, that is, something is either cake or it is not cake.
Here is a table to help you decifer binary code in terms of cake:
1 = Cake
0 = No cake.
When viewed in this way, all but the simplest computer programs become obsolete.
Most other things are not binary qualities, especially not love. This makes cake infinitely preferable to almost anything in the world.
Dilemma: Wit or Random Humour?[edit | edit source]
1. Write a Random Humour style article. You need use no brain cells, and at least you find it funny. You won't get blocked.
2. Write a witty article. You get to use brain cells, but still, no-one else will find it funny, and you'll probably get blocked.
3. Look at porn.
- ↑ This is the first and only example of a time in which philosophers have been useful as far as real people are concerned. The reason for this is that you are reading Uncyclopedia, and therefore everything on this page is a blatant lie.