User:Faggle/Practical Plumbing for the Desperate Housewife
Hello there my fellow frustrated mistresses, and welcome to Practical Plumbing for the Desperate Housewife!
My name is Suzanne Servile.
You might remember me from previous shows, such as "Extreme Tile Grouting", "1001 Uses for Oven Mitts", "Which Washing-Up Liquid Will Do Me Best?" and our strangely most popular show, "Wives' Tales: Drunken Christmas Mishaps".
Well, this time around we're going to be taking a deep breath, getting on our knees and wrenching the pipes until they cannot wrench no more:
Yes, we're covering the delicate world of plumbing!
Your tools[edit | edit source]
Alright, let's talk about those valuable tools that you will need to need for the tasks at hand. There are three tools that are most valuable when plumbing at home:
- A wrench,
- A rag, and
- A plunger.
Make sure that you have all of these things close at hand when you work any plumbing job.
Also, remember to clean up as you go. No husband likes a dirty house, and don't worry, we won't tell him if you don't! *wink*
Different types of plumbing jobs[edit | edit source]
There are plenty of different tasks that you may have to perform in the home with pipes. Sometimes, the pipes will become clogged and require flushing. Other times, the pipes can burst, causing a big mess! And sometimes, you may just find yourself bored around the house, looking for a nice plumbing job to take your mind off of things. We're going to cover all of these things today on our show.
Getting started[edit | edit source]
Are you fully prepared? Good! Well, the first thing you have to do is locate the pipes. You'll find the pipes right next to the sink. Got it? Great! Firstly, your husband will not, repeat not want you going anywhere near the sink. Clogging the sink up would most certainly be a major "turn-off", so to speak, for your husband; although he may get used to it. Be warned, though, clogging up the sink would cause far more mess were the pipes to burst.
You're in there![edit | edit source]
Right, so you're on your knees, maybe you're bent over. Keep it that way! The pipes respond well to a good posture. Now, you're going to need your wrench for this part. What you do is you use the wrench to cup the pipes at just the right place. Got it? Alright, now remember to be vigorous, but still gentle with the wrench. You don't want to make the pipes burst and make a mess on your floor. Try to find a good rhythm.
Work that pipe![edit | edit source]
Woo, look at you! You're doing it! Keep a good pace, running the water while wrenching the pipes and then waiting for them to cool down again every few minutes. If you do this correctly, you should have a sudden spurt of water come out of the pipes after about twenty minutes. This means you're done. OH MY, you're covered in the stuff! Good job! Light yourself a cigarette and relax for a few minutes before cleaning yourself up, you're filthy!
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