User:Bloroninblorchspit/Frank Garrett
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| Birth Date | June 6, 1937 - July 3, 2011 |
|---|---|
| Birth Place | Stilwell |
| Nationality | American |
| Occupation | Construction... Construction |
| Religion | Duncanism |
| Spouse | Margrette |
| They're too damned old | |
| Website | http://www.duncanconstructioncompany.com/ |
“But you called me”
“Do what?”
“Well he really shouldn't be putting his name out over the line!”
“Do you know him well enough to get me an interview?”
“Go to bed you stupid Hoosier mother fucker!”
Frank Neal Garrett (June 6, 1937 - July 3, 2011) was a worker for Duncan Construction and the inspiration for the religion known as "Duncanism".
He is also known to go by the aliases Duncan, Worms Garrett, Your Momma and Goat Garrett
Early Years[edit | edit source]
Frank was born in Stilwell,Oklahoma in 1937. His momma never gave him any toys to play with when he was young.
He started the company Duncan Construction in Stilwell Oklahoma though in 1940, he had to go fight in the war. And what he is known best for started, he prank called Hitler and said "Oh Fugg Kew, yew stupid cocksucker". Afterwords Hitler commited suicide. He resumed Construction afterwords. He was married to some bitch but got divorced after he asked her if her momma still had worms crawling out of her pussy. He was, at this point, still recovering from shame related from the worms crawling out of his own mother's pussy. He knew they were meal worms, because they were the only kid if vaginal worm he enjoyed the taste of. They had one son whom they named Leif Garret. Frank later disowned Leif, saying "He's one of them cocksuckers," and ensuring Leif would be a giant puss for all eternity (as though it wasn't already absolutely certain... ). In 1960 he (Frank) became the first Wal Mart greeter in history saying "Hello asshole!" to whoever walked in. He aftewords left because he was sick of those Stupd Son of a Bitches shit.
Church of Frank Garrett[edit | edit source]
Later as he decided to walk the world and preach the word of the Allmighty, he became the prophet of Duncan. On a cool spring day he descended from the mountain carrying two stone tablets inscribed with the 10 holy commandments which are as follows:
1. I am the Lord thy Duncan, thou shalt not giveth a shit.
2. Thou shalt put no strange construction workers before Me.
3. Thou shalt do no dirt work, or own a dozer.
4. Thou shalt liveth to tell about it after the new year if thy faith in Duncan is strong.
5. Honor the worms of thy mama's pusshy.
6. Thou shalt not break the goddamn neck of only other Duncan believers.
7. Thou shalt not be thinking of it while in the closet masturbatin'.
8. Thou shalt not drink...you don't need too... you're too damned old.
9. Thou shalt pick just about every third day to call thy neighbour and tell him Fugg Kew.
10. Thou shalt not covet the goods of the son of a bitch next door.
When Frank assessed the situation he decided to utilize the modern communication system and spread Duncan's word over the phone.
He has since attracted a substantial following of sons of bitches and cocksuckers, which is well on its way to become the Western World's new dominant religion. He has only had trouble with one demon obsessed evil witch who blasphemously and repeatedly tried to silence one of Frank's enlightening phonecalls by praying to a false construcion worker named Jesus.(AKA the Jesus Lady)
Prank Calls[edit | edit source]
Frank is a victim of countless prank calls, thus as revenge he uses the internet to make calls to people constantly threatening them. Some of his victims include Deacon Frost,George W. Bush, Voltar, Billy Mays, Barack Obama and John Travolta.
Confusion[edit | edit source]
Franks favorite two words are "Fuck You". It has been debated though if Frank actually pronounces it "Fugg Yew" or "Fugg Kew".After spending millions of dollars to find out the answer, scientists confirmed Frank actually says "Fugg Kew".
Associates[edit | edit source]
- The Springfield Pervert "Like to suck on some dick?"
- Chief Herb Soule of Sugar Creek Police Dept
- Officer Rivieri
- Sgt Fields
- Deputy Duncan "6330"
- Deputy Nebblin
- Stilwell Library
- Sgt. Libsky "Don't cawl this number ageen!"
- Chris Perron (the hacker) "You better look up narcissism because you are stricken with it bad!"
- Chinaman "I call da bolice...da bolice...I call da bolice"
- Colleen the Flower Shop Girl
- Drug & Alcohol Lady "Oh, Fuck myself in my ass.It might feel pretty damn good!"
- Jesus Lady "You called our business"
- Tom Adkins AKA Tom the Pissed off Roofer "You talk to me you can go fuck yourself!"
- Rick (the mullet man) "WHA THA SA YOU TOLD ME YOUR FUCKING NAME WHEN YOU WERE DRUNK YOU DUMBASS!"
- Deputy Martin
- Pissed off Telemarketer "Y'ever hear of an IP address, motherfucker-redneck-piece-of-shit?"
- Vietman "I don't say madafack
- Angry Mother (and son) "Am I talking to a human or a machine?"
- Charles from A to Z Pawn Shop (right next door to the Chinese restaurant) "Does sucking yer momma's dick make yew deaf?"
- Crazy Sick Old Man " "FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT HAWSON I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AN BREAK YOUR NECK"
- Toilet Lady "You wanna argue? Go in tha toilet an' argue!"
- Jackass Plumber (currently on the Google) "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
- Village Idiot "Say you suck a big black cock? Frank sucks nigger cock"
- Irate Black Man "MEET ME SOMEWHERE!"
- Phuckboy
- Brooklyn Thug (ft. boo-boo)
- Mack McGilligutty (Canadian Black Watch)
- Gay Florist "Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy"
- Epic Crazy Lady "I'll show you WHAT A WHOOPIN' IS!"
- Epic Crazy Ladys Husband "Just abaot 2.2 seconds biiiitch"
- Peggy "I'll MAKE YOU A NEW FUCKIN' BOX!"
- Angry Barber "Hey,listen to me.You got the wrong number.YOU GOT THE WRONG FUCKING NUMBER, YOU GOOK MOTHERFUCKER!"
- Stevenson Dreamland "I don't even have a fucking computer!"
- Redneck Roofer "Ey. Fuck me. Yer good."
Singing Career[edit | edit source]
Frank Garrett is renowned for his singing career. Such songs released include
- Fugg Kew
- Stupid Cocksucker
- Bubbles in my Beer
- Yeah (That's What I Said)
- The Real Frank Garrett
- You Stupid Motherfucker
- Numa Numa Duncan
- Where Do You Live?
- "Dozerless"
- Call Anybody you want to
- After Field Work
- Do Whattttt Do Whattttt
- Worms in Your Mama's Pusshy
- Them Nuthouse Doors
- Dunc Duncan Construction
- Let Me Tell You How I Feel (Fuck Yew)
- Just Pollbarn Builders
- I Wanna Be In Construction
- I Don't Give a Shit
- I Wanna be Your Goat
- Wet Mule Bonfire
- Ignorance Contamination
- Breakfast: Interrupted
- Git 'em (ft. Retardo)
- Damn it Feels Good to be a Hoosier
- Pretty Dry (For an Old Guy)
Death of Frank 'Goat' Garrett[edit | edit source]
On July 3rd 2011, Frank Werms Garrett died in da hawspital, after a blood vein in his brain broke from all the stewpit cawksuggas callin' his business... AKA 'Stroke'. His obituary is lined with 10 pages of comments left by followers of Duncanism. He is remembered for stupid prank calls, "Oh Fugg Yew", and building Pole Barns. He is survived by His Momma with werms crawlin' our her pusshey.
Some believe this was an elaborate set up, as many claimed seeing Rick the Mullet Man Moore walking from Duncan Construction with his AR15 covered in blood. But since Stilwell is known for their legendary Strawberries, this isn't considered suspicious as many southern white trash have been known to crush fruit with assault rifles. Not suspicious at all, no sir.