User:BlackInkWriter/MissGermany
For the 5th time the Miss-Germany-Elections have taken place! On January 7th the jury had to decide who of the 300 german (mostly Ost-Frisian) models was to become this years most beautiful girl. Unlike any other Miss-Contest in the world, Germans are determined that the most beautiful beauty can only be found at the very beginning of the year. All other beauties will stand in her big shadow, pitying their own demise.
Other Opinions[edit | edit source]
... don't matter to us!!! We love our Miss Germany! No matter what anyone says. Some even say, she is rather ugly for a Miss! But you haven't seen the other ones yet ...
Announcing the beauty[edit | edit source]
Old German tradition has it that since January 7th the new Miss-Germany has to be accompanied by a "House Announcer" which loudly exclaims that her majesty is just walking along.
There she goes!
Oh, she's so beautiful,
Miss Germany,
irresistable, isn't she?
although she's almost a "he",
Our dear Miss Germanyyyyyy!
We love thee!
Your kingdom come!
And so shall weeeee!
We cum on theee,
Our Majestyyyyyy,
Pleeeeeeeeeease, have us all,
us desperate German maaaaaaan!
For it is youuuuuuuu, who caaaaaan!
The History of German Beauty[edit | edit source]
When Germans were still living in caves and were hunting rats while trying to get into the European Union, the ideal of beauty was a pig. pigs were considered gods that decended to earth to heal the Germans and protect them from all the evil urges. Especially furry legged pigs were considered beautiful and when a new leader of the cave was needed, the guy owning the pig with most hair all over the body would be pronounced "Kanzler", which meant then, this is the guy who is as intelligent as to lead them in those dark muddy worminfested caves and not bump his head against some stalagtites, because he has got this faboulous long haired pig! Later, these elections where changed to a contest for finding the most beautiful pig and so it ended up with the ideal of the German beauty being shaped unpurposely like a long haired pig. After all the other countries of the European Union made some beauty contests, the Germans also wanted to have one. In the first year, a 12-year-old pig named Wilma with 15 feet of Bodyhair won, but since 2006 also pigs which are genetically altered to look somewhat like humans are also accepted into the list of contestants.