User:Andorin Kato/KoL

Kingdome of Loathying
Coat of arms
Official languages	English, Troll, L33tspeak
Motto:	An adventurer est vos! ("An adventurer is you!")
Government:	Royal Council of Loathing
Military:	N/A
Capital	The Town
Religion	Monotheism (islanders believe in an all powerful divine being they call "Jick")
Currency	Meat
National Holidays	Feast of Boris, St. Sneaky Pete's Day, Dependence Day

The Kingdome of Loathyng was an oligarchical kingdom that existed during the eleventh century AD. Nostradamus has predicted the reappearance of the Kingdome in the twenty-third century and again in the thirty-seventh century. The Kingdome is located on the isle of Loathyng off the coast of Finland. Affairs in the Kingdome are overseen by a Council of Loathyng, which is headed by King Ralph XI; all matters in the Kingdome are, however, subject to the whim of the Supreme Being, known by its inhabitants as Jick.

History

Our special guest, Mr. Rogers, will reiterate the history of the Kingdome.

You see, when a mommy RPG and a daddy RPG love each other very much, they perform a special ceremony that may or may not include James Brown music, candles, and leather. Then the mommy RPG starts snorting cocaine and the daddy RPG starts tripping out on acid and soon they're selling their TV and stereo for drug money. Then the daddy RPG robs a bank and has to go away for fifteen years to life, and the mommy RPG is left to give birth to the baby and raise it all by herself. But since they sold their car and don't have any money for a cab to get to the hospital, she has to give birth at home. Except they sold their couch too, so she just gives birth to the baby RPG on the cold hardwood floor, where he promptly hits his head, causing further damage to his tiny infant mind. Anyway the mother RPG tries for a while to raise her child, but being a single parent she can't find a job and still doesn't have any money. She eventually ends up leaving the baby in a wicker basket on the doorstep of a computer nerd named Jick, because he has solid gold Ferraricars or somesuch in his driveway and she figures that with that kind of money he can afford to raise her bastard child the way she can't, and because he wants a better life for her child than she got.

Or it could all just have been a cosmic prank, but we like our version better.

Culture

Warfare has always been an important factor in the Kingdome's culture. The citizens of Loathyng, true to the land's name, despise each other almost universally and tend to make legendary epic quests that revolve around killing each other. The human inhabitants form organized clans and spend their time whaling on each other. Individual combat can also occur, which can be likened to the Roman Coliseum if one ignores the "omg i fuxxed ur mom" messages sent between combatants. The most common form of warfare, however, occurs when single adventurers leave their hidey-holes, enter the hidey-holes of monsters, and duel to the death for treasures, fortune and glory.

Rites of adulthood routinely involve such activities as toilet paper wars, proving oneself literate, and killing the Hermit.

Sub-cultures

• Pastamancers are wizards who manipulate the saucy flow of mana. They draw their power from their patron deity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The introduction of the Internet to the Kingdome spawned two new subcultures of humans, Disco Bandits and Accordion Thieves. As citizens of Loathyng explored the Internet and discovered its many uses, they also stumbled upon peer-to-peer filesharing. A small group of rebellious teenagers began to spend their nights donning black masks, loading up LimeWire and pirating thousands of music tracks. Since the average music pirate seemed to prefer 1970s disco and old accordion music, the rest of the Internet took to calling them Disco Bandits and Accordion Thieves, and the names stuck.

• Hippies
• Frat boys
• Adventurers, of which there are:
  • Seal Clubber
  • Turtle Tamer
  • Sauceror
• Noobs

Valuable commodities

• Meat
• Time

Technology

Rather than the standard telephone system, citizens of Loathyng communicate with one another by use of a radio-based system called Radio KoL. The idea is that a single person would tune in to a certain "channel" and be able to hear, and speak to, every other person tuned in to that channel. A few examples of channels are:

• /c haiku -
  

In this room, people
Take up five minutes to speak
Counting on fingers.

• /c lounge - Contrary to popular belief, this channel doesn't exist.